LETTING MY THOUGHTS OUT....

Almost due!

2011-07-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

i can't believe how long it's been. okay, i have to stop saying dat each time i come on here. well, d last time i was here, i was just 17 wks preggie and i dint know wat i was having, whether na boy or girl. well, now i know. im having an adorable 'lil girl just like i desired. i'm due to give birth next week.

LOOOONG MONTHS AGO

2011-02-16T11:06:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been sooooo long! I'm a lazy blogger, i tell you. The last time i blogged, my son was 9 months old. Now, he's 1 yr and 6 months old, and i'm presently 17 weeks pregnant........do the maths. It's really been sooooo long. I'm too lazy to type, yet, i frequent other blogs and read their updates. Perhaps, i'm more into reading than typing or writing. Well...............

Did i mention that i am pregnant again? I'm so thrilled about it. You know, this is actually my third pregnancy. In my last post, i mentioned wanting to get pregnant again after Chimdi. Well, i did, and unfortunately, i miscarried the baby at 10 weeks. Doctor said that the baby was not properly formed, so my body miscarried it. He said it's better that it happened that way because i would have had a malformed baby had the pregnancy continued. I grieved, i felt sad, and on the day that was supposed to be my due date (November 3rd 2010), i remembered the child i lost, and i grieved again. Well, that's water under the bridge, and i give God all the glory 'cos He knows best.

So, God was gracious enough to bless me with another pregnancy. I've had 2 scares in this pregnancy, but God was in control those times, and He still is. I started bleeding one night, and i thought ' Oh no! Not again!' We rushed to the hospital with fear and trepidation. Wen we got there, the doctor performed a scan and we saw my sweet baby nestled comfortably in my uterus. Heartbeat was steady, strong and normal, baby was moving well. The doctor ordered me to go on a cumpolsory bed-rest for 2 weeks and he said i shld never get out of bed unless i wanted to pee, poo, bathe or brush. It was tiring and boring but i did it. Anything to keep this baby alive and well. Subsequent doctor appointments show that everything is ok and normal. I've started feeling my baby move inside me. At the moment, it's like a butterfly fluttering in my lower belly. I can tell it's my baby moving because i've been pregnant before, and i know what it feels like wen the baby starts to move. First time mothers may not even notice it. They may even think it's gas, but i know for sure that it's my little trooper trying to let me know that s/he's okay.

I'm praying for an adorable little girl with a full head of hair and light skin. Having a boy is also good, but seeing that i already have one, i would like to have a girl this time. Also, have you been in any baby shop lately? Baby girl clothes are much more prettier and finer than boy clothes. I really really really want a girl. Doc says he can tell the sex of the baby in 3 weeks time. Can't wait!

I'm happy, my hubby is happy. Now Chimdi......dat's a different story. He's been acting all jealous and clingy lately. I wonder if he knows that he's about to have a sibling. I heard that kids sense these things. When i play with him, he likes to hit my stomach. It's quite annoying and i try to avoid a direct hit as much as possible, but i'm afraid that as my tummy gets bigger, the more he'll want to beat it like a drum. I even fear that one morning, i'll wake up and find Chimdi sitting on my tummy.

He's sooooo grown now, he's started school and he's quite a handful. A typical boy.....fights, climbs, destroys stuff and all. Chimdi hardly sits still. I can't believe how much he's grown! I can't believe that this is the same me that used to be sooooo afraid of pregnancy and childbirth, now here i am taking in and about to pop baby number 2! By the way, i cant wait to pop this bun outta my oven. Will keep y'all updated......i hope. Lets keep our fingers crossed and hope that my next update won't be after i put to bed

*Wink*

Chimdi's birth story

2010-05-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

So, I figured it's high time I shared my birth story. I've been meaning to write and share, but I always seem to put it off. So, today, I made up my mind to share my wonderful story. Besides, it's also a testimony oh!I didn't know u had a choice as to wether u want ur labour/delivery to be painful or not. Even before I got married, I used to dread giving birth. From all I had heard and read, it was 'supposed' to be d most gut-wrenching, terrible pain ever. In a movie, the experience was likened to trying to pull your lower lip way over your head. It sounded like a horrible experience. I even thought of staying single and adopting, thereby avoiding the experience entirely, but then, I got married and it happened.

I took in.

Got pregnant!

Put in the family way!

Well, 9 months was a long time, so I decided to go through the pregnancy calmly and then cross the bridge (labour / delivery) wen I got to it. Yet, I couldn't control the fear. On some level, it was still there. Even, wen I went to the chapel for prayers, the visioners kept asking me why I was afraid. They told me that there was no problem, that I'll be suprised at the way I will deliver, that even before my labour starts, I will carry my baby.So, I started praying hard and drinking blessed water, and rubbing blessed olive oil round my hips and waist. My hubby fasted for me as I couldn't fast. Then, I heard about the book called "Supernatural childbirth" by Jackie Mize. It was rumored to be very good. I wanted it immediately, so the search began.

I almost didn't find the book till about 3 weeks to my due date. I read it everyday till I put to bed. It was as good as it was rumored to be. Infact, it was perfect. In the book, I was taught dat pain was not part of the package. I was told that pain was under the curse of the law, and as we were no longer under the curse of the law, thanks to Jesus christ, I didn't have to go through it at all. I believed that Jesus had died for me and taken all the pain away, so I started to renounce pain.In the book, I also learnt to speak to my body and my baby. I spoke to my cervix to dilate and efface quickly and painlessly, I spoke to my vayjayjay to be elastic and stretch without tearing. I spoke to my uterus to contract normally and push my baby down through the birth canal. Then, I made some prayer points;

1). That I wanted my labour to last a max of 4 hours, and den I'll push my baby out wit just 2 pushes.

2). That I wanted the road to be very free when I go into labour so that I'll make it to my hospital at Ikoyi.

3). That I wanted the docs and nurses to tell me that they were suprised at the way I delivered very easily even though it's my first time.

4). That I wanted as little pain as possible.

5). That I wanted my painless braxton hicks contraction to dilate me up to 6 cm before I got to the hospital.

6). That I wanted my water to trickle out like urine and not burst like a water balloon and stain my pretty white mattrass.

So, my day of delivery came, and my labour started at 2:30 am. I had woken up to pee wen I felt something trickling on the bedsheet. I jumped off the bed, so did my hubby. "Is that ur water breaking?" He asked. " I guess so" I replied. We got ready and left for Ikoyi. The road was absolutely free. I started timing my contractions, they were like 3 minutes apart and lasting up to a minute or more, and they were absolutely painless! Due to the fequency of my contractions, I knew my baby was coming soon. I was gisting my hubby and laughing on the way, but he wasn't really talking. He was worried. I told him not to be, that I was fine.We got to the hospital, and I was checked. The doctor said I was already 6 cm dilated ( just like I prayed). I was taken into the labour room and given the white gown to wear. There, I laboured easily. When the pain I was waiting for did come, it was so mild that I was like " Is this what they call pain?" It was merely uncomfortable and not painful. Before I knew it, I was declared to be 10cm dilated and ready to push! I pushed once, then the 2nd time, I was given a tear ( mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!), and I felt the baby slide out.

Chimdi came at exactly 6:30am. Labour/delivery lasted exactly 4 hours. Then I was stitched and cleaned up. The worst part of the experience was the tear, stiching, and healing. But I was thinking that if it's this easy, then, I'll have another baby in a minute.God was so faithful to me, He answered all my prayers except for the tearing and stitching part. I got the book kinda late, and I believe that if I got it earlier, I would have had time to build up my faith to the level where I would feel NO pain and have no tears or stitches. So, for the next ones, I'll start reading the book from the time I discover that I'm preggie.Did God answer my prayers? Of course, he was faithful enough to do so! The road was free when my labour started, I had dilated up to 6cm, I felt little or no pain, my pretty white mattrass was safe, my labour lasted 4 hours, the nurses kept telling me how suprised they were at how fast and easily I delivered. They were expecting me to deliver in the evening because it was my first time, and first deliveries are supposed to last really long. 12 - 14 hours to be precise. The next day a nurse came to my room and kept telling me how i suprised them. I smiled to myself and sent up a silent prayer. It wouldnt have happened like that if not for God. He's proven Himself to me as a God that answers prayers. Now i have the confidence that whatever i ask Him, He'll do for me.

My prayer for every preggie friend I have is that they would deliver even easier than I did. I also recommend the book "Supernatural childbirth" not only to my preggie friends, but also to those who are not even married. It's a must-read for every woman. I hope someone was inspired by my birthstory. If it could happen for me, then it can happen for you too because I don't have 2 heads. God be with you, enjoy your experience!

Long time

2010-05-14T04:18:00.000-07:00

Wow i cant believe its been 9 months already. I've become so lazy about blogging but i love reading other blogs like Linda Ikeji's blog, Afrobabe too. Well this is going to be short. I love my son. He's so big and handsome now. Looks like his daddy. well, he has my eyes and dimples. Also, his character is starting to develop and i'm getting to know the kind of person he'll be. He's sooooooo cute!

I'm tinking of getting preggie again oh! some may think its too soon, well, i think not, and that's wat matters. I want to have them all at a go, raise them and focus on other things like my event-planning outfit. I'm still building it and God has been helping me a lot (Thank you Lord). I choose a really cute name which i love. I'll say it later sha. Now i'm trying to register it.

So Josh is coming back home from Spain tomorrow. I'm really excited about that oh! he left since february and we've missed him terribly. I'm wondering if baby will recognize him. Well keeping my fingers crossed.

Currently, i'm watching the movie' Charmed'. Prue, Piper and Phoebe. Quite different and intresting.

On the 23rd, my friend is throwing a birthday party for her adorable 1 yr old daughter Onyinye. We can't wait.

Then there's a wedding fair at the lagos country club at the end of the month. It's being organized by Elizabeth Badejo. Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Well, i think this is long enough.

Abi?

Okay then....TTYL!

My baby

2009-08-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

There he is, my baby Son Chimdi. Was born exactly a week ago, weighed 3.2kg. I can't believe i'm a mother now! Thank God!

Almost a mama!

2009-08-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it's been more than 3 months since i last blogged. Sincerely, i haven't had the strenght, but i've been visiting other pples blogs and commenting annonymously. Well, nothings been up with me other than the fact that i get to be a momma by next week. Right now, i'm 39 weeks pregnant, and i cant wait for it to be over. I'm believing God for a supernatural delivery, and i'm hoping He answers beyond my expectations. Pls pray for me.

Meanwhile, i cant wait to meet baby Chimdi. I cant wait to see what he looks like, i cant wait to look into his eyes...My very own son! Wow! I'm almost a mama! I'll post pics soon.

Almost a Mrs somebody

2009-04-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

I get to leave lagos for Enugu tomorrow for my traditional marriage coming up like a weeks time. Funny enough, i don't even feel excited or anything. I'm actually dreading that day 'cos i really dont want to cry wen it's time to leave my parents home with my husband's people.

It's not easy to be a woman oh! How can one just get up one day and leave people she's known all her life? People who's shared her joys and tears, been there for her all the time, People she's very comfortable with, her primary family, for another family consisting of people who are practically strangers. It's not easy. I've been trying so hard to get used to it, but it's so hard. I find it hard to believe that by the time i return to Lagos after easter, i'll be moving out of my parents home finally into my new home. Lawd! How i'll miss my old room. I'll miss our family home. It's true that Joshua and i have a beautiful new home, but we all know that there's no place like home. There can never be any place like home.

So, i'm dreading leaving my family on the 11th of April. My elder sister called today and asked me not to cry that day oh! I laughingly told her that i'll try, but she should be telling that to my mum. I might be strong on that day and end up not crying, but if my mum as much as sheds a single tear, that will do me in definately.

Father Lord, i commit that day into ur hands.

Another thing i'm worried about concerning that day is dancing. I dont think i'm a very great dancer. My mum is a very good dancer, so are my sisters. Well, i dance okay, but only wen i'm alone in the privacy of my room. How do i do it that day being the cynosure of all attention? Will i be able to do it or become overwhelmed with shyness? Father, again, i commit that day into ur hands oh!

So tomorrow, my flight is by 2:45pm....Aero contractors. I really pray everything goes well. I pray for safe journey for my family who are also travelling tomorrow but by road. I get to go by air b'cos i'm pregnant, and can't take the risk of travelling all the way to the east by road. Right now, i'm all packed and ready to go. By the time i get back and post pictures, i'll be a Mrs somebody.

Lord i give u all the praise. If not for you..............

IT'S A BOYYYYYY!!!!

2009-04-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

I was at the hospital today for my April 1st appointment, and i was excited b'cos i was meant to find out my baby's sex today. Y'all know i wanted a girl, but it didn't really matter boy or girl though, so far as i get to have a baby. So, i got there, got my blue form, did my glucose-sugar level check, i was weighed again, and my weight was 68kg (an improvement on last time wen i weighed 65.5 kg). After that, i got to see the doctor, and i heard my baby's heart go "Whoooo whooooo whooo whoooo" again. This time, Joshua was with me, so he heard it too. Next, the doctor referred me for an ultrasound to check my baby's sex. I got to the ultrasound room and met that mean lady again. Well, she's not quite mean, but she never smiles. I dont feel free to ask her questions at all for fear that she'll snap at me.

So wen she was tru squirting the gel and gliding the ..........(I dont know wat it's called) on my tummy and making notes in my file, i squeaked;

"What am i having?"

"Everything is okay, it's a boy"

*HOLY CRAP!*

"A boy?"

"Yes"

Joshua asked her again..

"Sorry...what?"

"It's a boy" She repeated.

I smiled. I was happy. I totally forgot that i really wanted a girl. I think i unconsciously wished for a boy because i was so darn happy. So, i'm actually having a little boy? The little darling was busy turning his head as the scan was being done. Maybe he was feeling feeling uncomfortable.

I went back to the doctor who told me that everything is A-ok in there, and that i'm having a boy.

Immediately we left the hospital, my mum called.

"How far?"

"Fine" I replied deliberately avoiding to tell her wat she wanted to hear.

"Are u still at the hospital?"

"No we just left. I'll call u later 'cos i want to deliver asoebi to Sandra."

"Ok, we'll see wen u get home".

10 mins later, my fone dinged. A text from mum.....

"CHI PLS TELL US THE RESULT, IS IT A MAN OR WOMAN?"

Lol @ man or woman. Her text was in capital letters..looked as if she was shouting eagerly. I decided to oblige her and end the toture.

"It's a boy" I replied.

"Thank God!" She typed back.

Yes thank God oh! He's so good to me. The blessings are too much.

In 4 months time, we'll be welcoming CHIMDINDU STANLEY EZEOKAFOR into the world. Can i wait? I hope so.

Baby names

2009-03-30T11:43:00.000-07:00

I've picked out names for my baby. As i dont know wat i'm having yet, i picked out both male and female names.

So here they are.......

*DRUM ROLL*

Kamsiyochukwu Nadine Ezeokafor (For an adorable baby girl)

Chimdindu Patrick Ezeokafor (For a precious baby boy).

Kamsiyochukwu is an ibo name, and it means JUST LIKE I ASKED GOD. We can call her KAMSI for short (Doesn't it sound lovely?) Nadine is a fench name, and it means HOPE. I love the name, plus it sounds exotic to me.

Chimdindu is also an ibo name meaning MY GOD IS ALIVE. We can call him CHIMDI for short (Oh so cute!) Patrick is a latin name, and it means NOBLE, PATRICIAN. We can call him PADDY for short.

I can't wait till wednesday 'cos that's my next appointment date, and thats wen i get to know what i'm having....finally. I'll be sure to tell wen i know.

L8r!

Heartbeat

2009-03-26T11:27:00.000-07:00

I was at the hospital today because my back-ache actually worsened this morning after i updated my blog. The pain was so bad that i cried real tears. When i got there, they gave me drugs to take for it twice a day......plus, i got to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time today. It went..."Whoooooo, whooooo, whooooo, whoooo"

It was beautiful......

it was awesome!

The fact of my pregnancy became more real to me today. I'm actually carrying a live human being in there.

Awesome!

A hip baby? Hmnnnnn

2009-03-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

Did i forget to mention the last time that my back-ache is killing me softly? OMG! I have to deal with it everyday. U know, b/4 i took in, i used to have a little back-ache once in a while, but since i took in, the thing escalated. This time, i feel it all the time, i have to keep changing positions. Then, almost 2 weeks ago, while i was brushing my teeth (and puking at the same time mind u), I just happened to strain it more as i was retching. Since that day, i'm practically an old woman with hip problem. I cant sit properly and be comfortable, i cant stand properly, i cant bend down or squat to pick up something, turning on my bed to change positions while sleeping at night is a feat on its own. My sister-in-law told me that i'm carrying my baby on my hips (Whatever that means), and thats why my stomach isn't showing well yet, and i'm having so much lower back-ache. My mum also said the same thing. She said my baby's weight is settled on my hips. Who would have thunk!!!! Well, i chalk it up to the battles of pregnancy, but i really wish it would stop.

Stop i pray thee!

Pls

Pls.

Well, at least, i'm glad the headaches and the pukings have stopped. Again, did i mention the last time that i've also lost the privilege of lying on my back? Yeah, i cant do that anymore so that my uterus wouldnt press on a major vein called the "vena cava ....something" It has something to do with the heart...i read that somewhere. So now, i cant lie on my tummy, i cant lie on by back, all i do is change position from my left side to my right side. Hmmmmmm. Oginni?

Sometimes, i hear women who say that they enjoyed being pregnant and that they love being pregnant, and i just wonder. How come? I have 4 months to go, and it seems like forever.

God pls get me through this.

5 months to go!

2009-03-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

I'm practically forcing myself to update my blog. I've been so tired to type, or reply to the comments on my posts, but i've constantly been reading other pple's blogs. Nna meeen! This pregnancy thing is not a joke oh! I read somewhere that each pregnancy is unique..even within the same person. This my own eh? O di egwu! (It's wonderful). I've given up stuff for it. Stuff like

Lying on my tummy while sleeping,
Sleeping through the night,
Doing my chores comfortably,
Enjoying food,
Poo-pooing normally.

To mention but a few. I didn't know it would be like this. Believe me, the only thing thats getting me through this is thinking of the end-result of this whole process.....an adorable baby boy or girl. Wen i think that my body is going through all this because i'm making a baby, it makes it all worth it.

Last tuesday, i went to register at a hospital (First consultants)...it happened to be the same hospital where i was born. My doctor there happens to be the very same man who delivered me in 1983. I spent 3 hours there, but i loved every bit of it. When i told the doctor that i was born there, he said he could tell. I liked him instantly. If u ask me, i think it's pretty amazing that the same man who delivered me would be the one to deliver my own baby (That's if i dont get my visa oh!). I went through some tests, everything was confirmed to be okay, i was given a tetanus shot for baby, and i was booked for another appointment on the 1st of April. God keep us.

Presently, i'm reading books about pregnancy and child-birth. I'm also keeping a pregnancy journal in which i document my thots and feelings at every stage. It's baby's book actually, he/she will have it when he/she grows up. Yeah, i dont know the sex yet 'cos the last time i checked, baby's position didn't make it possible for us to see and tell. Apart from the pregnancy books, i'm registered with three different websites that send me info about my baby's development every week. I'm presently in week 17 (4 and a half months), i have 5 months to go, and seriously, i cant wait for it all to be over so i can meet my child.

So, about those books i'm reading, they are:

Frankly pregnant .......by Stacy Quarty and Dr Miriam Greene
New guide to pregnancy and child-care .....by Dr Penny Stanway and Dr Bruce Taubman
Baby care before birth...... by Zita West

All good books i tell u. The pregnancy journal i'm keeping is called:

My pregnancy Planner .......by Dr Miriam Stoppard.

That's it for today.....abi i try?

6 months to go!

2009-02-14T23:43:00.000-08:00

Whewww! Being pregnant is no piece of cake. I cant believe that it's been up to three months since i last blogged....i mean really blogged. I lost the will to do that as soon as morning sickness wahala hit me. My dear...it's not easy at all.

Feeling nauseous every moment of the day,
Hardly being able to keep food or water down,
Feeling like someone who ran round the whole of lagos everytime,
Always wanting to snuggle into bed and sleep for a year,
Now that i'm in my 2nd trimester, theres this nagging headache in the left side of my head,
Throwing-up each time i brush my teeth in the morning,
Getting disgusted by the smell of food...any food,
Suddenly, pple around me develop all kinds of Nauseating odours (Funny eh? especially as i know that they dont really have those odours, that it's only my hormones acting up)

These are some of the things i hate about pregnancy, but i definately love that my boobs are bigger (Lol).

So now that i'm pregnant, there are a lot of things i want to work towards:

Finding a way to enter camp in march despite my pregnancy,
Booking an appointment date for my interview at the american embassy (Yes oh! i wan born citizen),
planning and executing my traditional wedding in april
Blah, blah, blah

I definately need prayers for number 2 sha! I no wan born for naija. I want to opt for an epidural cos i cant stand pain, and i heard that they dont give that option in Naija hospitals, besides, some of the nurses are downright mean. I cant handle that while in labour....I want the security of knowing that everything that could go wrong is under control...not that anything would go wrong oh! I trust my Jehovah.

Abeg....i'm confused about baby names....I need a name for my child though i dont know if it's a boy or a girl yet. By april, i'll find out. I'm not one of those mums who want to be suprised, so they dont check wat they're having. I go check oh!, and i long for a sweet little girl...but whatever God gives me, i'll recieve gratefully, afterall, any child is a blessing from the Lord!

So, i need a name...a cute english name so that i'll be able to address my baby by name wen i want to talk to him or her before birth.

OMG! what's that sensation? I think i need to go puke now....Arrrgh!

Finally!

2009-01-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

Well, there it is! A beauty right?

Relieved.

2008-12-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I couldn't stop myself from going to do another scan. I had to...at least, to ease the worry. So, yesterday, i was back at the hospital. Wen the doctor checked again, he could see a baby sac IN the right place. Phew! To say that i was relieved would be an understatement. I was ecstatic. Wow! so in 8 months, i'm going to have one of these little miracles? Still kinda hard to believe.

By the way, my introduction was yesterday. I'm almost halfway to being married, and with a baby on the way. Everything is sure working out perfectly for me, and i thank God for His love. It's too much oh!

My problem now is this mood-swing of a thing. It's getting harder. This moment, i'm delirious, the next moment, i just want to crawl under my sheets and bawl my eyes out. I get irritated more often than not, and most times, it's directed towards Joshua....(Poor guy). He's been complaining about it though. Says i snap at him a lot and talk to him anyhow. I explain it's not my fault, and i apologize, then i do it again less than 30 mins later.

Another is the fatigue. Sometimes, i get soooooo weak and tired that i feel like getting into bed to sleep and wake 9 months later. Possible? Naaah! I just havta deal with it. Morning sickness hasn't kicked in yet, so i fervently pray i get lucky and not have to go through it oh! One thing i'm looking foward to though is getting bigger boobs!.....(Giggles).

I'm getting married! I'm gonna be a mom! Everything is happenning so fast!, but who am i to complain?

Thank you Lord!

Nagging worries

2008-12-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

I'm, not supposed to be afraid....no i'm not. But i can't help the nagging worries that creep into my head late at night. Nothing prepares you for it. I realize that perhaps, it was too early for the doctor to have seen my baby in my uterus the day i went for the scan, so i pray for the patience to wait for 2 more wks before i check again. This is my first pregnancy, so i assume that it's okay for me to be worried about these issues right? I mean...one cant be too careful. I really feel like going back to the hospital to check again. But if i do, it might still be too early for me to see my baby in my uterus...then the freaking out will begin.

Folks, i hope u are still praying for me and my baby. I also cant help worrying about this mass of a thing. I dont even know what kind of mass it is because there are different kinds. Yesterday, i googled and googled and googled, researching masses and their dangers to pregnancy, trying to see if they can cause an ectopic pregnancy. Infact, i'm beginning to detest that word "Ectopic". My Lord, pls take control. I prayed desperately for a rhema from God yesterday to assure me that all will be well. He didn't disappoint. He gave me Isaiah 9:2&3:

"The people walking in darkness

have seen a great light;

On those living in the land of the

shadow of death

a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation

and increased their joy;

they rejoice before you

as people rejoiceat the harvest,

as men rejoice

when dividing the plunder"

Do u know, the title of the chapter according to the New International Version (NIV) is :

"TO US A CHILD IS BORN"

Now, tell me, is that not enough to assure me that all will be well? This morning, The Lord further gave me Psalm 138:8:

"The lord will fulfill His purpose

For me;

Your love, O Lord, endures

forever---

do not abandon the works of

Your hands".

Now tell me, is God great or what??!! He knew what i needed, and He delivered faithfully.

I exalt you oh my father, because u have made all things beautiful in your time. I love you and exalt you because u are a faithful God. I thank you because your thoughts for me and for my baby are good, and because i know that u are in total control no matter what my head tries to tell me. Thank you because you will not abandon the work of your hands...this work that u have begun, you will finish in 36 weeks time. Thank you because you have enlarged the nation (My family) with this unborn child, and have increased our joy. Thank you because you will fulfill your purpose for me, and your love endures forever. I plead the precious blood of Jesus over my baby and i in the course of the next 36 wks till i deliver successfuly and safely. Thank you Lord Jesus..................AMEN.

People, i need prayers.

2008-12-17T21:52:00.000-08:00

Joshua and i went to the hospital yesterday to confirm my pregnancy, and also scan to see how old the pregnancy is. He also decided to check his blood and genotype again. The lab technican gave me two options...blood or urine test. My choice?

God!..No!...urine of course!

I can't stand the needle (Giggles).

So after my test, my result was declared positive, and i was happy all over again. It's wierd, but i was happy even though i'm not yet married. Even though i know that it is morally wrong for me to be pregnant outside wedlock. Well, maybe i'm happy because Joshua is the one involved, and i'm confident that he'll do the right thing and stand by me and not deny me like some other guys do. As a matter of fact, he's coming to do the introduction rites tomorrow. The wedding and trad will be by march 'cos i dont want my pregnancy to start showing, i dont want my parents to find out. They'll find out later .....sure...but i'll be married then, so they wont be angry. They'll think the conception occured after the dowry payment which will be in the east this xmas by the way. It hurts me to trick my parents like this, but it's the only thing i can do to avoid incuring their wrath. I can't possibly remove this baby....no no no. Wat would be worse? Incuring my parents anger or incuring the wrath of God? I'll rather choose the former than the latter. I really want to be a mum by september..yeah!

Now, about the title of my post, Tests were not the only thing Josh and i did at the hospital yesterday...we did a scan. The doctor asked me to finish a big bottle of eva water, and that wen i get really pressed that i cant hold it in any longer, i should call him. I did that, and then i called him. By the time he got to the scanning room or whatever it's called, my bladder was almost bursting. He squirted some sort of gel on my lower abdomen and then started to glide the computer mouse-like thing on it. Then, the insides of my womb was being showed on the small tv-like screen. After a while, he asked me where i live. I told him. He continued gliding. Joshua was there too. Then the doctor started explaining things to me. He showed me what area was my womb, he showed me my fallopian tubes, then, he showed me a mass on the right side of my abdomen which most women have, but is not really meant to be there....can be removed though if it feels too uncomfortable.

Then he told me that i'm definately pregnant, because there was no line across the screen which would have indicated no pregnancy. BUT, he said that my womb was empty. The baby wasn't found in the womb yet. So he asked me when my last period was. I told him on the 18th of november 2008. He said "Ah..too early." He explained that the feutus may still be travelling down to my womb. I felt a little relieved. He said that i should come back in a week or so for another scan to see if the baby will be found in my womb yet. If not, he said it could mean an ectopic pregnancy.

Ectopic means "out of place." In an ectopic pregnancy, a fertilized egg has implanted outside the uterus. The egg settles in the fallopian tubes in more than 95% of ectopic pregnancies. This is why ectopic pregnancies are commonly called "tubal pregnancies." The egg can also implant in the ovary, abdomen, or the cervix, so you may see these referred to as cervical or abdominal pregnancies.
None of these areas has as much space or nurturing tissue as a uterus for a pregnancy to develop. As the fetus grows, it will eventually burst the organ that contains it. This can cause severe bleeding and endanger the mother's life. A classical ectopic pregnancy does not develop into a live birth.

The picture above is a picture of an ectopic pregnancy. I desperately hope my baby is still travelling. I desperately pray that my baby will get to my womb soon because some women who have had ectopic pregnancies will have difficulty becoming pregnant again. This difficulty is more common in women who also had fertility problems before the ectopic pregnancy. Your prognosis depends on your fertility before the ectopic pregnancy, as well as the extent of the damage that was done.
The likelihood of a repeat ectopic pregnancy increases with each subsequent ectopic pregnancy. Once you have had one ectopic pregnancy, you face an approximate 15% chance of having another. I really do not want that, so i pray my baby implants itself IN my womb please God.

It happens in 1 out of 100 pregnancies, dear Lord, dont let me be that 1 out of 100 i desperately beesech u. See folks, that's why i need ur prayers. I hope i'm worrying over nothing at all. My pregnancy is actually 2 wks and 2 days old...could my baby still be travelling?

Please pray for me:

That i develop no complications whatsoever in the course of my pregnancy
That i carry my pregnancy better than the hebrew women
That my baby travels safely into my womb
That on my due date which is on the 2nd of september 2009, i will experience little or no pain during labour.
And that i have the most beautiful baby ever.

Folks, Pray! Pray! Pray!

E don happen!

2008-12-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,
I just took a pregnancy test this morning.

The result was positive.

Meaning........ I'M PREGNANT!

I'm still overwhelmed.....I'll blog later.

Horse ride.

2008-11-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

Joshua and i are going to pick out my engagement ring next week. I guess it's about time...or dont u think so? It's taken quite a while, and according to my schedule, (yeah, i made out a schedule for my future), that ring should have been bought like 2 months ago. Well, i'll just have to take it now and adjust my schedule...yes siree!

I don't want anything too big, large or imposing. I dont want to carry a rock the size of lagos on my finger...i dont even like to wear rings at all 'cos wen i do, i'm always conscious of it and keep twisting it round and round. Infact, if i could get Josh to buy me an engagement bracelet, or engagement necklace, (If there's any such thing), i would have felt better wearing them. But for now, do i have a choice?...No siree!

Yesterday, after doing more furniture shopping, Josh and i went to alpha beach to wait for the traffic to reduce before we set off for the mainland. Wen we got to the beach, some guy with a camera tried to convince us to take pictures for N200 each, and he'll wash and bring the pics immediately. We really didn't want to, so we ignored him untill two nonsense guys atop sad -looking horses came by .I went to the horses to feel their bodies 'cos i've never done that before. I also felt so sorry for the horses. I didn't want a ride however, and i didn't know pple pay for rides. I just wanted to feel their hides and go sit down wit my man. But before i knew it, i was lifted atop the horse, and the camera guy was clicking away. The guys that owned the horses were causing such a racket that i thot that the horse would bolt towards the sea with me on it. These guys never told me that we'll pay money. all they focused on was trying to get me atop the horse, and make me take pics with it. After the uncomfortable ride, (I was terrified by the way), they came up to Joshua and said we were to pay N2,200.

"For what?" Josh asked

"You rode my horse and tooke pictures with it" said one thief.

"You took pics with my horse" Said the other rogue.

I burst out laughing. Now it all made sense. Was that why they were hustling and bustling around me, trying to get me on the horse? Even wen i wanted to get down, they wouldnt let me. Instead, they made the camera guy click away. Some of the pictures, i wasn't even aware that they took 'em. Everything happened under 5 mins. Serious. It was all so funny, but Joshua wasn't laughing. Infact, he was enraged. There was no how he was going to pay that amount of money for that rubbish. The guys insisted that he'll pay them. Joshua said he'll pay them N600. The idiots said they wont accept that. Josh refused to budge either. At a time, i threatened to shoot them both. Later, they accepted the money and went off. I was so suprised. Na so dem they hustle? They didn't even know if we had money on us, and they did all that and started harrassing us for money. Well dem fear Joshua sha b'cos he's tall and muscular. He would have thrown them into the sea...yeah, my man is strooong!

Anyway, the pics turned out nice. The camera guy took 10 pics (Imagine?), but i made him wash only 3. They were cool. We remained at the beach for another hour before i felt it was time to go (Around 7pm). I wasn't comfortable there anymore, and the smell of indian hemp was everywhere. My mind kept playing tricks on me, assuring me that the crooks will be back. We left there and got home okay though.

Btw, the traffic was as mahd as we left it. So much for our great idea.....Lol!

Moral of the experience?

Never climb a horse without negotiating well with the handlers.

Spiritual Vitamins

2008-11-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Hi fellow bloggers,
Hello my babies

How are y'all doing this wonderful sunday afternoon, forgive me for being quiet all this while. No, i didn't die, I wasn't sick, I didn't travel either. I was just busy with this wedding i'm planning.
Lame excuse right? Well, smack me on the back of my head!

Today's sunday, and i didn't go to church.

I really dont knw wats the matter with me for over a month now. My spiritual life is really down. I only pray with the family during family prayers. I hardly pray on my own, and i know it's very bad.
I realize that i'm making myself prone to attacks from the devil by being non-challant about my christian life.

I need help.

Seriously.

Someone pray for me pls...i need spiritual vitamins.

I want to grow spiritually, i dont want to go to hell. And while u pray for me, pray for Joshua also.

I'm so excited!

2008-11-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

Why?

Joshua came into the country yesterday, and i get to see him this morning. I'm sooo happy.

BTW, someone pls tell me how to set the date on my posts correctly. It's a day behind. Wat do i do?

FOR THE LOVE OF MONEY

2008-11-04T21:42:00.000-08:00

When i was little, i had a friend, Ijeoma. Ijeoma was one of my childhood friends, we also lived in the same area...wait a minute.....we still do. But we haven't seen each other for more than 8 years now. Wierd but true. We were close when we were kids, we were a group of 5 girls, played together, joined the choir together, joined the band together, always seen together. But as we grew up, i don't know what made us go apart. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was time, i really don't know.

Well, years later, i saw one of the girls. This one's name is Nkiru. When i saw her, i was like "wow!", she looked so beautiful. Infact, she's always been beautiful. She was the finest of us all waaaay back. But that day, she was looking exceptionally beautiful, that was the day she came to tell me that she was getting married. Today, she's in Paris with her hubby.

Anyway, my gist today isn't about Nkiru, it's about Ijeoma. A year ago, i heard she was getting married. I saw her I.V and all, but i couldn't attend the wedding. I also heard that her husband has 'Bastard money' according to my mum. He's supposedly into business. Well, i was happy for her, and wished her a happy married life, then i forgot about it....i have my own issues u know.

Then yesterday, Mum and i were gisting. She told me that Ijeoma's marriage hit the rocks barely 2 months after her wedding.

I was flabbergasted......(Hope i spelt it right)

WHAT?

HOW?

WHY?

My mum had a visitor earlier in the day, the lady happened to be Ijeoma's mum's sister. The lady gisted my mum that the guy has more money than we imagined. She further said that immediately after he paid Ijeoma's dowry, he bought her a jeep (Brand-new). Her mum was busy jubilating and commenting that this was indeed a husband. Soon after was the traditional wedding, and the white wedding. After all the ceremonies, Not up to two months later, Ijeoma's husband sat her down and broke the news to her.

He was infertile. Can't make babies.

He told her that he used his 'thing' for money rituals, and can never give her a child. He said he was telling her because he didn't want her to hear it from somewhere else. He then suggested that if she really wanted babies, he would give his friend to her to get her pregnant anytime she wanted.

My friend didn't say anything. Her aunt told my mum that she was shocked into silence, so she agreed with her husband without saying anything. The next day, her husband left for work, she hurriedly packed a few things into her jeep and ran off to her parents house. After she told her mum, her mum said she wasn't going back there ever. The next week, her husband called her on phone and told her that he needed to get down to the east, and that he would like to go by road, using the jeep he bought her, and that he'll return it when he returned from the village. Ijeoma sent the jeep to him.

He never returned it.

Till date, the jeep is still with the man. For Ijeoma, it was good riddance to bad rubbish. Who knows, if she had remained there, he might one day use her own head for the periodical 'utu' they do from time to time. Since he had the heart to destroy all his unborn children because of money, he'll definately have the heart to donate his wife without batting an eyelid.

So at such a young age, Ijeoma already has a failed marriage? Jeez! That's one of my greatest fears. Something i pray never to have.

OMG! The things people do for the love of money. Na wah. So because of money, i should go and sacrifice my womanhood, and not be able to bear children ever? Jehovah forbid!

Some use their family members, some use people they dont know, some even use the women that gave then birth,,,,,their mothers for goodness sakes! May God help us all. May He have mercy on us all!

BTW, Congratulobia to Mr B Obama. I'm so proud of you. Good luck as you take hold of the mantle of leadership. May God be with you and guide you all the way.

Fast food right? Be careful

2008-11-03T00:08:00.000-08:00

Most times, when u are too tired to cook, u prefer to eat out right?

Sometimes, u make ur choice of the many eatries we have in Nigeria today. They are abundant now. Sometimes, u find 2-3 on a street.

Me sef, i'm used to doing that too. Sometimes, when i even have food at home, i will still like to go out and buy food from tastee fried chicken, Mr biggs, or Nando's at bode-thomas.
.
It's a habit i found difficult to break, but 3 days ago, an incident occured that forced me to break the habit. Even now, as i think of it, i shudder!

Most of these fast food places look sooo good and attractive that u can't help trusting their food and eating it. Well, after reading this, i'm not saying that u should stop patronising them, i'm only urging u to be careful.

And if u own a fastfood business, pay more attention to ur staff and what they do. Most of these employees kill business for their madams/ogas.

So what happened?

Three days ago, a friend of mine came to visit. I was too tired to cook anything, so i sent our help out to rush to TANTALIZERS, a popular fast-food outlet, and buy my friend a plate of fried rice with chicken.
The help brought the food and served my friend. The meal looked good, my friend looked like she was enjoying it till she found an eaten chicken bone in the food.

Ahn-ahn?

She showed it to me and we were baffled as she hadn't eaten her own chicken. She also said that she came across salad bits mixed with Salad cream. She promptly stopped eating, and we searched further only to discover bits of chewed bone near the bottom of the food.

WHAT!!!

My friend was so upset! I was livid!
How could they do this? It was obvious that it was someone's left-over's mixed with new food. I wanted to go to the fast-food outlet, but my friend wouldn't let me. Henceforth, i made up my mind to stop eating from fast-food outlets.

If u ask me, i don't think that's their first time of doing it. U know..."Everyday is for the thief, one day is for the owner". I think they've been doing it and getting away with it. I also think that they've been doing it to people who come and take food out. 'Cos they know that if they do it to people who eat in, the person might discover it and promptly begin to make trouble, so they smartly do it to people who take away since some come from far places, and even if they come back to make trouble, the staff there would deny them.

Just imagine.

The painful part is that the Owner of Tantalizers isn't aware of such going-ons. There's no way they would support that. Thats how staff kill business for the business owners. I wish the owner of TANTALIZERS would read this and do damage-control fast.

Some months ago, my beau and i went to NANDO'S at the palms to eat after so much shopping, we sat in the eating area after placing our orders. i ordered fried rice with gizzards, and ahen i dug into my food, u'll never guess what i found sitting pretty in my meal..

A dead baby Cockroah

Not really baby....say middle-aged

well, it was not too big, not too small.

sha it was a cockroach!

Chei! i entered the joint quick quick and called the staff to come and see oh! They apologized profousely, and i was a good sport, i didn't make trouble, all i did was ask them to get me another plate of food.....jollof rice this time, because i didn't want them to just go into their kitchen and pick out the cockroach. They agreed. But when they served me again, it was another plate of fried rice that they brought.

U see? be careful what u eat when u eat outside. Me? i'm never eating in a fast-food outlet anymore. I'll cook at home.

These GENES today

2008-10-30T23:25:00.000-07:00

'Tis the much-awaited 'These GENES day'

A sickle-cell awareness day.

Lets join hands together and fight Sickle-cell.

How do we do that????

By creating awareness!!!!!

Like howwww????

By putting on ur Red and/or blue today and spreading the word.

Some people do not know about it, or that a certain combination of genes brings about the status.

Some people do not know that it could be prevented at all.

Some people do not know that carriers of the genes do not find it easy at all

or that it is especially terrible for others.

My young cousin is a carrier, and it's very terrible for her.

I know what she and her parents go through each time she has a crisis.

I don't know about you, but i will talk to 5 or more people today,

I compel u to do the same.

Wat's the matter?

2008-10-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

Last night, I called Joshua. He said he wasn't able to talk at that time, that he'll call me back when he got home. He was also driving. He asked about my health, i said i was feeling much better. He assured me that he'll get a calling card and call me back. That was okay with me. But like an hour later, i called him back

KAMSI: "U havent called me back. Is everything okay?"

JOSHUA: "Yeah, but i'm not home yet. I'm about leaving now. I'll still call u wen i get home ok?"

KAMSI: "Okay then. I don't have enough credit in my phone now. We'll talk later then"

JOSHUA: "Ok sweetheart".

Then i slept off. I woke up around 12:39am and realized that he hadn't called, then i realized that the last time we spoke, he was about leaving for home.

Oginni!??

That's when the panic set in. I began to call his line, a spanish woman spoke in spanish language that the number wasn't available un momento. I kept trying frantically till i fell asleep again.

2:00am

My iphone vibrates under my pillow. It's Joshua. I slide the screen to answer.

KAMSI: "Hello, Joshua, what u are doing is not good. U hear me? what u are doing is not good".

I cut off the call.

After cutting off, i realized that i should have sounded calmer, that there may have been a reason why things happened like that. Promptly, he called back.

JOSHUA: "Honey, oginni?

I began to rave and rant. He tried to explain that his calling card couldn't connect, and that he never switched off his phone, and that it could have been network, But all through his explanation, i detected a guilty undertone. I didn't believe him. I still do not believe him. I told him that i didn't want to talk, and that i wanted to sleep. He said that it's okay, he'll call me this morning.

But why do i feel like he lied to me?. Why did he switch off his phone? what was he doing at that time? why the guilty undertone? he was sounding too nice. Was he being unfaithful?. it's been more than 2 months since he left. Has he been staying without sex all that while? I'm so unhappy, i really do hope i'm not over-reacting.

How far?

2008-10-28T23:59:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe I’ve overcome my fear of pregnancy and childbirth.

I truly truly have oh!

My cousin’s wife has a 4 months old baby girl, and they came to stay with us for some time. His wife and I share my room with the baby, and she’s oh so adorable with chubby cheeks, a cute toothless grin, and that sweet baby smell. I was drawn to her irresistibly. I queried her mum endlessly about her experience while birthing cute Sylvia, and she said it wasn’t so bad. Her labor began at about 2am in the morning, and Sylvia emerged at about 9am that morning. She said it was painful, but not so bad. The nurses didn’t want to assist her. One was helping her massage her lower back, but was later called away by the other nurses, and was reprimanded by them for babying the patient too much. Wetin that one come mean? And yet, they didn’t allow her husband to be with her and help her with the massaging and her breathing, yet, I know he would have done that happily. Well the place of birth was in the east, the nurses were ibo and mean. Slapping her back and urging her to push. Well, delivery was successful, and she gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl. She said that after the ordeal, everything was not that big a deal anymore. She forgot the pain and all.

So I thought, maybe it’s not so bad. The pain seems to be temporary, and after the whole thing, I’ll get to hold my baby. Perhaps, the pain will be worth it. Right? So, that is no longer an issue for me anymore. It’s all under control. Besides, these videos helped me a lot. I resorted to watching them everyday. Everyday, until I got used to them. I even imagined it was me in labor and all. Worked out fine.

http://www.babycenter.com/2_natural-birth_3656508.bc?intcmp=Nav_Global_photosandvideo_stageslaborvideo&pn=BC%20Homepage

http://www.babycenter.com/2_c-section-birth_3656510.bc?intcmp=Nav_Global_photosandvideo_Csectionvideo&pn=Big%2520Kid%2520Hub

http://www.babycenter.com/2_water-birth_3658855.bc

Well, that aside, it’s a new day. Only God know’s what’s in store for each of us today. As for me, I have mild malaria and cold so I’m quite uncomfortable right now, but wetin I for do? Life goes on. If I confine myself to my bed now, that would make me weaker and even make me sicker than I am. I’ve taken drugs, but they’ve left an awful taste in my mouth. Anyway, this too shall pass, and pass it shall.

The love of my life, my one and only Joshua has broken the news to me that he’ll extend his stay in Spain by another week . That means he won’t be here for his birthday on Monday. That sucks! Awfully. The other day, I went to the new house and discovered that a lot of things have been done within the past two months. All that remains is to clean up the house, fix the remaining lights, and then paint the exterior (I choose mint-green and cream). Meen, that house is beautiful. Seriously. That day I got there, I also discovered that Joshua has been sending furniture from Spain too. He’s sent the sofas and center table for the waiting- room (I’ve never felt anything so soft), the lights, chandeliers, the bed for the masters bedroom. He’s in Spain now waiting for the furniture for the main-sitting room which he ordered. They’re sending them to him today, then he’ll send them to Nigeria tomorrow or next. We’ve already bought the sofas for the sitting-room upstairs. We got them from CMC furnitures at the palms, and they were rather expensive (The Austin/Austen set). He said we are getting my bed, dressing-table, and the entire set from there too……fair enough.

Well, I’m happy everything is working out fine. I have this feeling that he’ll pay my dowry this xmas. I’m a lucky gal fo sho!

Anyway, I said make I yarn una how far. Berrer ‘tory dey come. Takia.

E no easy!

2008-10-26T22:49:00.000-07:00

I haven’t blogged for days. Actually more than a week now, and I’m sorry.

When I thought of keeping an online diary, I thot it would be easy. Now, I just realized that it requires a decision to blog frequently…no matter how tired u are. For the past weeks, I’ve been really busy. I haven’t really had the time to blog per se, but I’ve been checking out other peoples blogs. Nna meen, Nigerians can write oh! Most blogs I visited tripped me so much that I made a mental note to visit them again. I even added some to my blog list.

Now, lemme fill u in on wat I’ve been up to for the past few weeks…….

First and foremost, I’ll have u know that planning a wedding is a lot of work. Hard work. It requires a lot of patience on the part of the planner. Yes, I’ve been planning a wedding which is fast approaching and e no easy at all. I’ve covered a lot of aspects concerning the wedding. Things like

The venue,
The venue decorator,
The caterer,
The asoebi,
The bride’s george and coral beads attire,
The couple’s lace materials, the bridal-train’s wears (I bought the bridal-satin materials, the bride wants them sown in the east, and I’m really worried about that),
The invitation cards which I will pick up today from KOZA,
The Souvenirs which I have taken to the printers for branding,
The music aspect (The groom wanted 2 musicians),
The bride’s thanksgiving attire for the Sunday afterwards,
The cake,
The security,
The rentals, and
The drinks aspects

have all been covered.

This wedding will be done in the east in December, and I want to try my best to give it an edge over the other weddings that have been done there. But there’s a little problem. The groom is…..u know…tight-fisted. He’s very wealthy, but he doesn’t want to bring out cash to make his day glorious, yet, he wants the best. Wetin that one come mean? Na the planner go come use im own money make the day wonderful? Anyways, all I know is that I’ll give them their money’s worth. They say they want this today, and then tomorrow, they change their mind. The first day I took the groom alone to the KOZA card place, he loved a particular beautiful card, and when we checked the price, it was N250 per one, so he got confused. I helped him keep searching till we found another beautiful one, the price was N130, and we agreed that it was better when we got home and told his wife, She was like

"N130? Ana ata card ata?" (Do people eat cards?).

In my mind, I was like “Ok, u’ll go back there with us so u’ll pick out another one”. So later that evening, some one brought his own wedding I.V to invite my parents for his wedding. When the bride found out that the guy’s card cost N50 per one, she preferred it, but nobody wanted to go to Mushin. Definitely not me oh! So the day I took the couple to go and take a family picture for their wedding programmes and calenders, I decided to take them to KOZA, so that the bride will look at all the cards. We got there, she said she didn’t really like the beautiful card we choose earlier. Rather, she picked out one ugly one. I no gree oh! Na her wedding actually, but I forgot. I thot it was mine. Wen I help with weddings, I handle it like I would handle mine. So when she picked out that ugly card, I was like “nooooo!” The groom no gree sef. Finally they decided to compromise and pick two different kinds….200 of each. Me, I thought it was berrer. The family picture they took turned out awesome. Trust DEBBIN now.

The day we went to balogun, the groom refused to buy the bride a necklace to go with her wedding gown. His argument was that it’s not necessary, and that some brides don’t wear. Don’t worry, I’m still on that. She must wear. I’m going to balogun this morning to buy the brides necklace by force, to make her bouquet and the bouquets of her bridesmaids ( I want them to hold full bouquets and not single roses). I also want to make small roses for the groomsmen to pin on their suit lapels (what do they call those things sef?) The colors of the day are peach, mint-green and gold. The colors are to be incorporated into every aspect of the wedding. Also her bouquet would have the colors. Her bridesmaid’s bouquets will be big, but not as big as Bishop T.D Jakes daughter’s bridesmaids bouquets. Now those were huge!

I was able to convince them to have 6 bridesmaids and groomsmen, inclusive of chief bridesmaid and best-man, and just a little bride and ring bearer. No flower girls…page boys. I also gave her the idea of using 3 little girls as traditional escorts. They’ll tie george wrapper with her, be adorned with beads, and dance out with her to greet her husband's people during the traditional marriage. I know it would look nice.

So far, the aspects i haven’t really covered are the photographer/videographer, the wedding programmes (we are waiting for the reverend pastor to give us the order of service), The hosts and hostesses (where do I get those ones from now? They are not ready to hire from professional wedding planning outfits.) I’m considering picking out some of their family and friends to do that…like 15 of them. It’s true that the caterer has her own servers, but if we leave the food sharing to them, they wouldn’t serve everybody, but those hosts and hostesses are to make sure that everyone gets served, no one leaves the wedding party hungry.

Chei! O diro easy! (It’s not easy).

This morning, I’m going to Balogun to pick up a lot of stuffs, then, I’ll go to KOZA to pick up the I.V’s, and then, to the printers to check on the souvenirs, also to print calenders for them.

Now u see why I haven’t been blogging? Am I forgiven? Ehn? Thank u!

Anyways, I promise to always fill u in on how far. Yesterday, my friend called me with a business proposal. Says a friend of hers is wedding in April, and needs a planner. Una see say e don begin happen? I thank God oh! Na so e dey start.

Joshua is fine by the way. He’ll be home soon, and I’m so excited!

My 2008 presidential campaign video

2008-10-13T03:09:00.000-07:00

Many of u do not know that i've secretly been running for president of the united states. Now that things are really looking good, and going in my favour, i decided to let u all know. Click on the link.

http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=379346&altf=LBNTJ&altl=ZPDIVLXV

Enjoy, and VOTE for me.

My Ex'es.

2008-10-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

Hello Children.......

Today, i decided to write about my ex-boyfriends. I've had 4 of 'em.

(Erm...Is that too much?)

I don't know why i suddenly started thinking about all of them today. So, i decided to write about them so that my kids (who will read this in the near future) will know wat their mummy went through and learn from her mistakes.

Before i start naming them, I'll have u know that i was very slim. Infact, mummy was unbearably thin due to nature. But now, u know how mummy is, I've put on the right amount of flesh, filled out proportionately and gotten ravishingly beautiful. Ask daddy...that's one of the reasons he married me.

So in those days, i was thin and not very beautiful, though i was attractive. Then i met boyfriend number one......ALEX.

ALEX was my first love.....(or was he?) I ask that question 'cos they say first love/ cut is the deepest, that u never truly fall out of that love...but i feel nothing now wen i think of him. Now, i almost regret meeting him oh. Wen i think of him, i feel so foolish. Funny enough, i was so into him then. I was still in secondary school wen i met him, and mummy was still a virgin. For ur info, mummy remained a virgin all through the relationship till she broke up with ALEX.

We dated for 3 years. He was a trader/ omaata, and he couldn't speak engilsh properly, yet i 'loved' him. But throughout the r/ship, he kept misbehaving while i remained totally faithful.

(Mummy is always faithful, I see relationships as serious business. Even if my man cheats on me, i never ever do that to him. I can't bring myself to do it. It's simply not in my nature to cheat. Once i get committed, i can't feel anything for anyone else. That's mummy for u.)

So ALEX kept cheating on mummy and playing 'tricks' on her. This month, we'll be into the relationship, next month, he'll call me with those nitel pay-phones, (There was no GSM yet. when it came out, he was one of the first that got one), and tell me that he's born again, and will not want to soil his heart, therefore, we should break up. Me, i'll cry my heart out, grieve, and wait for him to change. The next month again, he'll come begging for me to take him back, and i'll say 'okay'. The guy kept on doing this till i got sick of the whole process. I called it quits, and it remained that way. He claimed to be serious about me, and that he wanted to marry me. He even took me to his parent's place at Onitsha, but they didn't like me. His sisters liked me though because he used to send me to their school to visit them and take things to them. The first daughter in their family is younger than me....she's married now though, and even after ALEX and i broke up, she sent him to come and invite me to her traditional wedding. I didn't go of course. I didn't want to see him the day he came, but my neighbour (a mother of 5) advised me to, and i did see him.

He looked wretched.

After some time, i heard that he also got married after building a house. But, do u know that just this year, the guy still begged me to take him back? My elder brother came in one day and told me that there was someone at the gate looking for me. I went, peeped, saw him and banged the gate. Then he wrote a long letter and gave my bros to give me in which he begged me to take him back, that he never stopped loving me, and that his father decieved him. He wrote his numbers and requested that i give him a call. I promptly tore the letter up . What happened to his marriage? Well, i don't care. I'm over him. That chapter of my life is closed.

Then i met Boyfriend number 2.... NEDU.

NEDU is the one that i lost my virginity to. I met him on the internet. We dated for six months. He was handsome, clean and suave. He was a gynaecologist (did i spell it well?) and still is. He just came back from U.K wen we met. We had fun for a while, but i really didnt love him. I really dont know why it was him that i gave my flower to. It didn't hurt, i didnt bleed, and till today, i dont know why. Well, the r/ship didn't last. I heard he got married two yrs ago. I think he didnt love me either cos i was still thin. I don't even think i was his type. I'm glad we broke up sef...it didn't hurt that bad. After some months, i called him to know how he was doing. While we talked, he told me he was married, and i said hello to his 'wife' too. I later got to find out that he wasn't married at all then, and that wasn't his wife either. I found out that she was just another girl he was trying to impress by making her pick his calls and introducing her as his wife. I'm sure she fell for that 'cos i know girls trip for that. So my daughters....beware! We chics are sooooo gullible. He tripped me by taking care of me when Aunty Flo came calling unexpectedly one night while we were sleeping (I went to spend the weekend with him at Enugu). That night, the 'thing' started. He helped me wash up. The next morning, he ran out and bought me a sanitary pad pack. Wen i told him that it wasn't the kind i use, he ran out again to change it. Yet, he had boys he could send living with him, then he served me breakfast in bed. That's how he got me (just imagine!). I thot he was so caring. How was i to know that it was only a strategy? One good thing i can say about him though...... NEDU had a nice bedroom.

Then i met boyfriend number 3.....OKEY.

OKEY had a boutique, and he was doing well. OKEY just wanted to use me. Before i met him, i heard that he had a girl he wanted to marry, but wen they went for the blood tests, they found out that their blood groups were not compatible. For that reason, they had to break up. Her name was chioma. All that time, i knew him from a distance though we were neighbours. We lived on the same street.

(Advice: never date your neighbour. When u guys break up, then the awkwardness will begin. Believe me, it's not pleasant at all).

He was attractive in a rugged kind of way, and children, mummy is a sucker for such looks. I secretly hoped that i could date him. So somehow, we got together and started our 'thing'. This guy just wanted to sleep with me, but i was too busy being attracted to him to notice. I did not 'shine my eyes' well. If i did, i would have seen through him. Once, i was going through his phone, and i saw a message from some devastated girl. He slept with her and dumped her, so she sent him the text. She actually cursed him in the text. Infact, i really didn't read it well because he snatched the phone away from me as i read. But the tone of the text was touching. It was obvious to me that he hurt her deeply...but foolish me, i thought i was different to him. I thought he loved me and wouldn't do that to me. OKEY was terribly mean. Illitracy is a disease oh! This man actually said to me after the fling that when he needs me, he'll call me. He talked anyhow, and i began to hate him. I can't even begin to write the stuff he said. You'll want to hunt him down and shoot him for saying such things to ur mother. I detested him so much that i warned him never to talk to me in public anymore, and that if he did, i would disgrace him. He actually got scared, and respected himself till he moved away.

OKEY did sleep with me once, and that was the end of our 'thing'. I was heart-broken. I pined for weeks before i could finally get him off my mind. I regretted a lot of things, i wished i could move away from the street. Each time i saw him, i was devastated. At a time, he started bringing girls around till he found the girl he wanted to marry. I lived on that street till he married and moved away. Now i hear he has two kids. I wonder if he's changed his ways.

Then i met the final ex UGO.

UGO was hot! he was and still is hot. There were so many girls involved. There were so many girls in his life, and he loved them all. But he kept me as his good girl. He also took me for granted. but wen i decided to leave, he knew he lost something. Till today (Date i posted this note), he says he's never met anyone like me.

After all these r/ships, affairs and flings, i decided to keep to myself for a while. That was wen i met My Joshua. As i type this, i'm on the phone with him. He loved me despite my slim frame. He nutured me into the shape i have today. Actually, it's wen he came into my life that i started putting on weight. Out of all these men, Joshua is the only one who loves me unconditionally, and right now, i miss him so much. He'll be back from Spain very soon, but i wish he were here already. I pray he'll never become an 'ex', he'll always be the current man in my life.

I have to go now..i'm talking to Joshua on the phone, and i want to concentrate okay?

Peace.

Church?......hmmmnn..

2008-10-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

Today's sunday, and i'm not feeling like churching.

Infact, i haven't gone to church in like a month.

As i type this, i'm covered in shame, but i cant help it. I have my reasons for not going.

See, i have two churches (so does every youth i know today). The first is my family church, the one i was born into and baptized in, and the second is the one i branched off to when i felt like i've grown and am old enof to make my own choices. My choice was The Reedemed Christian Church Of God (R.C.C.G). My parish is the City Of David, but it's far from where i live, besides, i don't have a car to make it easier for me. So on some sundays, when i think of the distance, i just prefer to stay in bed, under my sheets and do my own church there..."Church is in the heart right?"

The other thing is my family church is like 3 mins away from my house (walking distance). I could throw a stone from my gate to the church gate, but i really prefer not to go there on sundays.....wait, before u begin to shake ur head at me in condemnation, i have my reasons.

Can u imagine a church where all they do is source money out of their congregation...sorry...clients? well, most churches do that.

Can u imagine a church where when they discover that u have found out the truth and are against their practices, when they see that u are all about the truth and u are trying to cramp their style, they try to kill u by sending assasins, by trying to poison u, by holding vigils and conducting fasts praying that u die???? An anglican church oh!

Can u imagine?

Can u imagine a church where a lady worker took over another womans husband for the past 6 years or so, refusing to let go, turning the man against his poor wife. The mans wife has gone through a lot with her husband. He has done a lot of unthinkable things to his wife all because of the worker-witch, who obviously has done 'something' to him to keep him. The church knows, yet, they do nothing about it. They even give this witch of a woman titles in church such as 'mother of goodness'. Can u imagine i ask?

Can you?

Can u imagine a church where a certain young man had intrest in becoming a pastor and serving God all his life..geniunely, went to the Reverend pastor to have him sign a kind of form for him which was essential before he could become a pastor, and the Reverend pastor refused to sign because he didn't like the young man's father, because the young man's father is a man of truth? Wat would u call that? I call it "HINDERING OF GOD'S WORK". Can u imagine?

Is that where i should go on sundays? A church with a lying, thieving, troubesome reverend? A church full of hypocritical workers who lead God's children astray?

Nope, nope

I won't go there. I won't even wed there. Instead, when i'm too tired and lazy to go to C.O.D, i'll stay in bed and pray, or i'll go down to our family chapel at home...alone. I think i prefer that.

Another reason why i find it difficult for me to go to C.O.D is that my pop says he dosen't want me to go to pentecostal churches because i was born into an anglican church. Infact, he insisted, so i decided to stop to avoid his wrath. But one time, i took Joshua there, he liked it. I know that wen we marry, ging to C.O.D wont be a problem ......I can't wait oh.

So, i'm still searching for a church...a good church around my area. I would prefer to be an ordinary member, and not know the dirt that goes on backstage. I'll prefer to imagine that everyone in the church i find are holy and perfect. I think that will help my spiritual life. Knowing all that dirt just discourages me immensely. I hope now u understand.

But my family church?............not so much!

THE PAST FEW DAYS.....

2008-10-03T14:34:00.000-07:00

Na wah oh!

It's been almost a week, and i haven't blogged, so i said that today musn't pass me by. I have my reasons for being MIA ;

I've been busy doing stuff. Besides, my internet subscription is paid for hourly. I paid for 250 hours, and i try as much as possible to economise it. (It's not like anyone even missed me on blogville...who's complaining?)

I've been ripping, copying and converting songs and videos into my iphone (Which Joshua bought for me by the way....what would i do without that man?). That stuff takes time, and each day, by the time i'm through, i get so tired that i fall asleep immedaitely. Today, i have a total of 451 songs and 13 movies in my iphone. E no easy jare!

I've been creating a profile for my company. God helped me choose the perfect name. I can't say it because someone else might just steal it and use it for themselves, that would just break my heart. I've been learning a lot from the office sha. Thank God.

So, my people, those are the reasons i can remember. Joshua is fine, last night, i had a beautiful dream in which he proposed to me and placed a ring on my finger....i awoke and my heart was overflowing with love for the man. We've talked twice today, and he promised to call me again tonight before i go to bed. Everything is moving fine.

Did i tell u that the other day, we discussed our future, and he said he'll come and pay my dowry soon? God, i cant wait for this to pass too. Hmmmnnn.

Well, my people, i just thought to throw in a word or two before i go to bed. I thought to let u know what i've been up to. Today was hectic, and i'm so tired right now. Can i blog tomorrow? b'cos my bed is calling me.

P.S. Congratulations to WILD-CHILD and OLOHI OBVUDE, who tied the knots today. I wish u two a happy married life. May u have a house full of children.

I really have to go now......i'm coming dear bed!

Everything's alright now.

2008-09-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

Pheeew!

To say that i'm relieved would be an understatement.

Joshua and i made up..that's why i'm relieved. For the past 3 days, i haven't been myself. That was the last time Joshua and i talked. Even though i was the one that cheekily suggested that we take a break, i seriously regretted saying that. I wished he would call me, i wished i could hear his voice.

U see this being called the devil eh? He's very manipulative, and wicked. He was the one that made everything that bad. Now that i think back , i realise that things were not that bad. Even though i sent Joshua the first 'fake' e-mail, the one where i faked an addy and name, it wasn't that serious an offense. It was something that we could easily have laughed off, but the devil made it seem like an unforgivable offense to me. He managed to convince me that i was in big trouble with Joshua, and that he'll be very disgusted and disappointed in me. He clouded my thinking and made it seem like a big deal, meanwhile, it was not that big a deal. He further pushed me to write the second email which Joshua tagged as 'Bull-shit', and that is the one he was angry about. That 2nd mail is the reason why he didn't call me for those three days.

See, fear is a terrible thing. It's fear that made me request for a break. I feared that he'll be very disappointed in me, and will want to break up with me, so i decided to front and break-up with him first. In the mail, i even claimed not to care, meanwhile, i felt terrible inside. I told him in the mail that i didn't care about our r/ship anymore, and that i didn't care if he decides to break up with me after reading my confession that i was the one who sent the first 'fake' mail. That was what riled him up, and he was upset for the following three days.

However, i called him and he berated me for sending him that bull-shit. He said he was waiting to cool off before calling me to know if i was out of my mind for sending him that e-mail. I apologised profusely, and he accepted. He said that was a forgotten issue, and that he wouldn't like us to talk about it anymore. I missed him so much, and i also feared that he'll start to see me differently from the way he used to see me...but he said he dosen't see me any other way , says i'm still his baby, and that he still loves me.

My mum told me this evening that Joshua told my cousin (Who's also his friend) that he'll pay my dowry this xmas. I know i was expecting it, but the news still took me unawares. Our house will be completed by then, and after he pays my dowry, i can move in with him (abi?) while we plan our traditional wedding and our white wedding. But strange enough, the man who has such a thing in mind hasn't even mentioned it to the girl involved? When is he planning to tell me? Any way he hasn't proposed yet. Remember he said he's buying my ring from spain? Maybe when he places that ring on my finger and engages me, then he'll tell me that he's decided to come and pay my dowry by december. Wonderful indeed! Lord, please, let this acually happen, dont let anything ruin it...dont let ME ruin it with my impulsiveness. I met him through my cousin (The one he told about the dowry payment), and my cousin is praying fervently that things will workout between us. My cousin says he's a very nice man, and he'll be very very happy if Joshua makes me his wife. Lord, i know u support. U've given me several signs to show that u are solidly behind this union. U know i wouldnt venture into anything u are against, anything that dosen't have ur support. Doing that will be sucidal. U are the light that shows me the way, i depend on u for my future and my happiness.

So on my way to work yesterday, I boarded an okada that will take me to the bus-park. The rider happened to be a leery old man who kept pestering me with questions all the way;

where am i from?
Am i married?
Shebi my man will bring drinks to my family soon?
Hope he's well to do?
Where's he from?
Does he have a car?
Blah blah blah?

I was clearly irritated, and avoided his questions. I also noticed him adjusting the side-mirror of the okada so that he'll see my face well . I kept on smiling, yet, i felt like slapping the back of his head. Nosey old man. If only i had a car....Lord, i need a car. Seriously.

Luckily for me, i didn't have to stand all the way to CMS yesterday because an empty BRT came to the bus-stop just as i got there. I was elated, i felt that it was a great start for the day, and indeed it was. My day was good. I had fun, blended in a little with my colleagues at work....not so quite, but i'm getting there.

Why do i feel so tired and sleepy? I've yawned like three times already, but i can't sleep without sharing this story. Someone sent it to my FB fun space. I've read the story somewhere before, and i've been trying to find it again, luckily for me, some FB friend sent it to me....Enjoy!;

"A young man had been to Wednesday Night Bible Study.

The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice, The young man couldn't help but wonder, 'Does God still speak to people?'

After service, he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways.It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, 'God...If you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey.'

As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk.He shook his head and said out loud, 'God is that you?' He didn't get a reply and started on toward home.But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk.

The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli. 'Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk.' It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk..

He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home.

As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, 'Turn Down that street.'This is crazy he thought, and drove on past the intersection. Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street. At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, 'Okay, God, I will'.

He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi-commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed. Again, he sensed something, 'Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street.' The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. 'Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid.' Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk.Finally, he opened the door, 'Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient. I guess that will count for something, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here .'

He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, 'Who is it? What do you want?' Then the door opened before the young man could get away.The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep.

'What is it?'

The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, 'Here, I brought this to you.' The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway.Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face.

The man began speaking and half crying, 'We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk..' His wife in the kitchen yelled out, 'I asked him to send an Angel with some. Are you an Angel?'

The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face. He knew that God still answers prayers.

Amazing Huh? I love my God...He's just too much!

GREAT START.....I BEG TO DIFFER....HIS LAST DAY ON EARTH

2008-09-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

GREAT START......

So i came back from work around 6 pm today. I boarded a danfo straight from the office.....don't worry, i tried oh so hard to keep my eyes open, and i suceeded. It wasn't easy though.

Work was okay, we went for meetings, entered stuff into the computers, Took down notes...blah blah blah....u know the usual work stuff. I'm afraid if i relate my work activities on this note, my colleagues would figure out who i am and know all my secrets (those are yet to come, don't worry.)

So, on my way to work, i took a BRT from stadium, and i stood in the bus all the way to CMS. I'm afraid that may have to become a frequent occurence because by the time the buses come from whereever they come and get to CMS, some lucky people are already sitting down, staring at u as u enter (They stare at me a lot....i'm a fine girl u know). Some of the passengers nod their heads in time to the music, a number of them young pple with earphones stuck in their ears, listening to whatever it is they listen to.......errr...wait,....i do it too. So, i stand in the bus holding the iron rods for support 'cos i wouldn't want to find myself sprawled on the floor of the bus when it jerks suddenly, and believe me, they do it a lot. There's a guy who was carrying a lot of things at the same time in front of me. He was carrying his laptop bag, a file, holding his phone and all. So wen he wanted to slip his phone into his shirt pocket, the bus driver braked suddenly. The guy lost his balance and swayed dangerously. Seriously, if he weren't a guy, he would have fallen down, and pushed me along with him...and that wouldn't have been funny. Well, thank God it didn't happen like that.

So, i got to the office 5 mins past 9, left for the meeting, came back blah blah. I didn't eat breakfast before i left home, and i didn't have chance to eat at all till i got home at past 6pm...compulsory fasting eh?

I really enjoyed the meeting though it took hours. It was okay, i learnt a lot, it was generally a great beginning.

I BEG TO DIFFER....

I intimated my dad of my choice of career....wedding planning. He was a bit biased about the whole thing. He tried to make me understand that Ibos (like us) have a system we are used to, and that we like to involve our committee of friends and have them plan and co-ordinate our weddings, hence, having no need for a wedding planner, and on the other hand, yorubas are the ones that really party and employ the services of wedding planners. He went ahead to explain that when yorubas want to employ the services of a wedding planner, they'll first and foremost scout for a yoruba planner so that they'll speak 'Ngbati-Ngbati (Yeah..he said that, and mind u, he could easily pass for a yoruba indigene. The man speaks yoruba like a pro. I wish i could), before they consider other tribes. In other words, that business might be kinda slow for me when i establish.

But my mum didn't agree. Mum said that as far as i learn the ropes and learn them well, so long as i know what i'm doing and do it well, i'll get clients of every tribe who would love my work and trust me...ibo-girl or not. I agreed with her. Abeg i beg to differ. Even if business is slow for other ibo or yoruba people in the business, simply because clients will prefer to patronize wedding planners of their tribe, it wont be for me. I won't have that problem.

I BEG TO DIFFERRRRRRR!

HIS LAST DAY ON EARTH.....
It was on my way home, while i was on a bike (the final transport for the day) that i saw him.
Oh how i wish i didn't glance to my right at all. How i wish i kept my head straight. I saw a guy..a young guy.....dead.

On the ground.

By the road-side.

And from the looks of him, he died today. I dont think he was hit by a car...actually, i dont know what happened. All i know is that he was also wearing a face-cap which was used to cover his face. Immediately we passed him, i promptly burst into tears. I couldn't even ask the okada rider carrying me what happened to him. If i asked, he would have told me 'cos they always know such stuff. When i saw this guy, a lot of things crossed my mind, some of which are;

This guy left his house this morning, not knowing that it was his last day on earth, he didn't know he'll be dead by evening.
His parents and family are somewhere right now, oblivious of the fact that their son is dead.
Where would he be right now?
Did he achieve anything in life?
Was he a christian?
If he were, how good?
What was his name.
I couldn't help thinking how he'll spend the night alone today, and then probably, later, Latsma people or whoever cleans up the environment would pick up his body and dispose of it dishonorably.

Father, please have mercy on his soul. It's a pity. I tried to console myself by assuming that he's gone to that place where we'll all go one day. It's inevitable. Everyone has a last day on earth.

That's how my day ended on a kinda sad note. Lord, i need to be cheered up. How i wish Joshua would call. He may still be angry with me about my expensive deciet. Besides, i had the audacity to ask him for a break. How i miss him so! Lord pls give me the strenght to bear it and not to be tempted to text him to know if he's okay....i really hope he's okay though.

(YAWN!)

I'm really tired, and i need my sleep right now.....i'll post tomorrow by God's grace.

AMEN.

FIRST !!!!

2008-09-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Lord,

This is my first official day at work, and i really dont know what to expect.

Today, i'm going to board buses and okadas again, and i sincerely hope my 'danfo-nap' dosen't repeat itself again.

I'm afraid

I'm afraid because the other day, i went through Linda Ikeji's blog on http://www.lindaikeji.blogspot.com, and i stumbled across a note on ritual kidnapping. Believe me, that scared the bejesus out of me.

You know, i cant keep going to work in a cab....too much money involved, so i want to get used to BRT and danfo buses. So Father, i'm depending on u to protect me. Build a wall of fire around me, direct my path to safe areas and safe vehicles. I trust in you.

Also Lord, one more thing....You know this is a training kind of job. I'm supposed to go there to learn, therefore, i beg u to make me wise enough. Open up my eyes and my ears, help me to pay attention to details.

Now i havta go...it's almost 7:30am.

I'll blog later.....Ciao!

My turn...get here faster!

2008-09-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord!

Whats wrong with me?...i don't know what this feeling is. I'm too young to be feeling this way, i know. For some days now, i've been feeling kinda......

You know that Angel recently had a baby boy last sunday, and i'm happy for her...very happy. But this feeling sneaking up on me, i dont understand...really. First, she served, then got a job, then got married, and then had a baby. She's moved way ahead of me, and while i'm extremely happy for her, i'm not entirely happy with myself. Nope...it's not jealousy. I think it's more of a pity-party for myself.

I can't stop thinking how i haven't served (though i will with the nxt batch), and how my Joshua hasn't proposed, how i dont have a job or a baby yet.

After i heard Angel's happy news, i began to think back, and i realised that i dont have many single friends anymore. Most of my very close friends have started their own families. Oge got married, relocated to port-harcout, and has a son and a daughter now, Angel too, then Ethel got married and has a son, Cathy also has a husband and a son, Tola also got married last month, Chidi got married and left the country with her hubby, Amaka very recently got engaged shortly after breaking up with her ex, Ebele got married, Chizoba got married, etc...etc.

U see, i can't help feeling old and inadequate. I feel like all my friends are leaving me...even Joshua made that statement when i told him that Amaka got engaged, those were his very words. Also, wen i told him that Angel had put to bed, he said that she's so lucky, and that everything is going on well for her and her hubby. I merely grunted in reply because i was angry.

I was angry because that's wat he does. He always makes me think about 'it', and hope for 'it', yet he dosen't want to do what he's meant to do. What is his problem? Doesn't he want to commit?

What is wrong with me? I'm only 25 for crying out loud, i shouldn't be feeling like this already. But i can't help wishing i were married with at least a child. (Sob,sob). I'm so eager for it to be my turn already. Father! Help me!

I can't wait for my own day. I can't wait for Joshua to propose. Will he really buy a ring like he said he will? Everyday, i envision myself in a wedding gown. I've already picked out my wedding colors....Peach, cream, gold, mint-green.......U see? Na so i see am oh!

I can't wait to join the married chics club so that me and my friends who are already in the club will have more in common, more to talk about. There's this thing about some girls...once they marry, they see that their status has been elevated, and then kinda fashi their single friends. Some do it for fear that the single friends may corrupt their heads with inappropriate ideas that may make them break their marriage. Some do it for fear that their single friends may come in and steal their husbands away. That is why i complained in my last post about my lack of friends. U see say their levels don kuku pass my own?

Father, please elevate me too...i'm depending solely on you to honor me and cause me to be found by the man you have specially set aside for me. Joshua may or may not be the one. So, Lord, my prayer is that if Joshua is the one, speed up the process. Please touch his heart and remove anything that is making him undecided and cool-headed about our future as H&W. But if he's not the one, remove him from my life, uproot all feelings for him in my mind, and help me to forget and get over him quickly i pray thee.

I want my turn to get here, and i want it to get here quickly. I want to feel the love of a husband and the joy of motherhood. I want to experience that comes from being in one's own home. I want to experience that special joy that brides feel on their wedding day. Can my turn get here faster?

I did something today Lord, and i hope i haven't ruined everything by that impulsive act of mine. I e-mailed Joshua with an e-mail address i forged and acted like i was some girl who saw him somewhere and fell in love with him, and wants him to date her. The 'girl' claimed to know him and claimed to have gotten his e-mail address from a friend of his who told 'her' not to reveal 'her' source of info, then i sent it to his yahoo address.

He had given me 2 addresses, one hotmail, one yahoo. I sent to the yahoo.

My aim was to test his love for me, 'cos lately, i've been feeling unloved and insecure, ever since he told me that he was ready to marry, but didn't know when.

I wanted to check if he'll tell me about the 'girl' or if he'll go ahead and date her secretly without my knowledge.

He called me and told me about the 'strange' e-mail alright, but he said that he was suprised as to how the 'girl' got his e-mail address, as i was the only one who had that particular e-mail address. (oops!)

Later this morning, i e-mailed him and told him that i sent the mail, and i gave him my reasons. I also asked that we should go on a break for some time, because i needed to organise my thots and my life. I told him i needed to think about some stuffs....but i feel really bad for testing him that way. I should have let sleeping dogs lie. I always tend to doubt his love for me, and each time, he proves me wrong. I told him that i know he'll be angry with me...very angry, and would probably want to break up with me, and that if he does, i really don't care anymore.

Seriously, each time this Dude travels out of 9ja, he changes a bit. He says he'll call and forgets and makes me stay awake till late waiting for the call, he hardly replies my texts, misses my calls a lot, etc

But truthfully, ever since he said he's not decided about wen we should marry, i've become very wary of him..i've been having this idea that i should hook up with other men, and that i'll find someone who's serious and planned out his future and decided everything already.

But I love this man.....badly. (It's gonna be hard)

Lord, another request...if he's my husband, Let him not be fazed by my crazy behaviour. If he's mine, let my prank e-mail not move the love he says he has for me. I know that lots of guys won't find that prank funny at all. So please, let this be the ultimate test that will help me know if he's the man i'll wear his ring.

Lord, please, help me control my impulsiveness. I need to cool down also. Help me to realize that i'm still very young, and that no matter if all my friends are married, u still have a plan for my life, and that u are not done with me yet. Help me to say "So what?!!!" (thanks Linda Ikeji) when my mind starts to remind me of my status.

Help me to remember that my time is coming, and that it will surely be well with me. Help me to focus on other things, and to wait.

AMEN.

My ambitions....plus gist about my danfo-nap today.

2008-09-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord, Today was hectic!

What a way to start a post, but i can't help it..i have to tell u how i feel. Even if i dont tell u, you still know anyway.

Today, i went out...after a week indoors. Yeah, somehow, i found my self indoors for one week.
Reasons are:

I haven't served yet (NYSC).
As a result, i'm unemployed.

I have nowhere to go.

I really dont have friends anymore...(I'll elaborate on that, keep scrolling down).

So, i didn't go out for a week, i didn't even go to church or chapel, (And i'm sorry Lord). I just wasted a whole week of my life...wat am i even saying? i've wasted 3 whole years 'cos i've not been able to find something to do while waiting for NYSC. Those past years, i've felt useless, worthless, depressed, lazy...gbo gbo ti gbo.

Well, it has not been completely useless 'cos i used that time to perfect my home-making skills. I learned to cook very well (believe me, my husband will really enjoy me), i learned to clean...u know, general house-keeping. And i love doing it. So, that's wat i can proudly say that i learned. But then, i also saw on one of my little remaining unmarried friend's FB status that u dont have to have a good start for u to have a great finish. Touched me a lot. I will be great one day!

I know it.

I believe it too.

You had best watch out for me, and look out for my name...it's going to be prominent for a long period of time (Ooops! I forgot my real name is a secret. well watch out anyway. For those of you who really want to know who i am,,,,,,i'm the MBGOFB...the most beautiful girl on face book. Search me out, and go figure!).

Thanks Colyns Agboju for believing in me and saying that "with a brain like mine,nothing can stop me ". I believe it too, and i'm working fervently towards that.

You know, it dosen't really matter to me because thats wat i actually want to do with my life. Everytime i think of my future, the picture i see in my mind which fires me up and gives me joy is that of me in a beautiful, clean, colorful home full of children. I picture us all happy...including my husband. I picture myself mainly as a full-time house-wife. I dont care about my university degree...afterall, i never wanted to practise it anyway. I only went to school to fulfill all righteousness, because there was this rave about being a graduate and all, although it's not a criteria for making heaven.

Dont turn up your noses yet, i need to make my point which is that i've never wanted to go to work...u know...9-5 demanding jobs which i have no passion for. I've always wanted to have kids and bring them up myself, without baby-sitters or whatever they are calling them these days. I know the horrors these so-called 'helps' inflict on kids. Besides, i want to KNOW my children, and i want them to KNOW me. That's my primary passion...others are secondary. But i later figured out the fact that even if i want to be a stay-at-home mom, it would be supportive for me to chip in some income into my future family finances. So i decided to think of something i can do as a living, and also work at home. That is when my mind began to roam. I thought of soooo many things. I thought of starting up a boutique, a supermarket, I even thought of building a school (because i like children), but i didn't have any passion for those things i thought up.

Finally, i thought of event planning, and that made me hyper! I had found it! I loooove weddings. I love knowing that the bride is very very happy and excited about her day. I love looking at wedding dresses, pictures of wedding cakes, little brides, etc. When i attend weddings, i find myself gazing at the bride in her dress with her beau by her side, and when i do, there's always a dreamy smile on my face. Also, when i attend weddings i always want to get up and help co-ordinate things. Weddings are my scenes... wedding are my scenes.......is my scene....scenes.....abegi! English is hard.

So, i decided to start up an event-planning outfit but i dont really know the ropes yet. I have some ideas, but i think it's wise to learn from a pro. So, i started to scout for event-planning firms that do staff training. I haven't found one yet though.

On my scouting today, something funny, shameful and terrible happened to me. I decided to take buses instead of my normal cab/taxi charter service (I have a number which i call, and Mr Oladele ..........at least, this name is real........ the taxi driver comes pick me up and take me wherever i need to go. I pay of course!). Today, i decided to try to break the habit and take a bus.

First of all, i took a BRT bus (which are nice by the way), and then okada (my next favorite means of transportation). But on my way home after scouting, i decided to pick a yellow and black danfo. The ride was very bumpy, and i was already exhausted from all my waka and talk-talk (plus i was fasting today 'cos of my relationship with Joshua), so i kinda fell asleep in the bus. When we got to the last bus-stop which happened to be mile-2, a bus-stop i'm very familiar with, a bus-stop i pass almost everyday.....same old mile-2, i disembarked from the danfo, and lo and behold, i didn't know where i was again! Everywhere was so confusing to me because i just awoke from my little nap. I stood there for like 3 mins, still i couldn't tell where i was. Then i asked an apple-seller by the road-side, and she told me where i was, but i was still confused. I was soooo ashamed of myself, i felt like crying. What i later did was to retreat to a less-crowdy area and studied my environment. That was how little-by-little, it began to dawn on me. I promptly entered okada and zapped from the area because some people were already casting curious glances my way.

The moral of my little experience?

Never nap in a danfo or molue or BRT bus...unless u know lagos like the palm of ur hand. but even then.......Not wise, not good. U could even be robbed.

So sha, i still had fun. Especially the BRT bus ride. Tomorrow, i'll continue my scouting. Joshua supports my decision to establish the event-planning stuff so that i'll have flexible time and take care of our kids.

Talking about Joshua, the experiment is underway! I've been acting really cool, sounding vague on the phone. He knows somethings wrong, but he can't tell wat it is....yet wen he asks, i claim everythings 'foine'.

For wia?

Tonite, i'll tell him i was out today. So he'll know that i'll soon have a life, and that i'll be prone to other suitors soon. (Chuckles).

The fasting was about our relationship. Lord, i just want you to break watever is holding him back from doint the right thing. I want your will to be done. I want your blessings to land (gbim).

So, it's going to be Event-planning, and establishing a day-care/creche after some years.

How u see am?

OOOPS! I didn't elaborate on the reason why i dont have many friends anymore. Perhaps, that should be a story for another day eh? God please keep us all! AMEN OOOOO!

CONGRATS ...... My dear friend.

2008-09-14T06:22:00.000-07:00

My best friend actualized one of my greatest fears yesterday, though i dont think it was actually a source of fear to her.......nope she didn't die,

She had a baby!!!

And i'm so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

I am
I am

YES! I am!

My darling friend delivered a baby boy yesterday afternoon. Glory be to you oh Lord! For days, she was constantly in my prayers, and i prayed for a safe and painless delivery for her. I even helped her choose a name for her baby. I asked her how it was, (The delivery) and she said it was okay...not so bad. In her very own words;

"It's something every woman has to go through".

I'm amazed. And baby and mother are okay. I promised her that i'll come and visit her over there...so, i'll fly over soon and spend a week. All through her pregnancy, she didn't want to know the sex of the baby, well, she did yesterday.

A BOY!

A boy, boy ,boy!.

Oh! i'm so happy for her. Indeed, i'm so hyper right now. I can't believe Angel's a mom.
Mama bomboy.

Wow! this is so greeeaaattttt!

And as usual, I THANK YOU GOD!

It shall be well...i think.

2008-09-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

So Joshua called me last night, and we talked. I told him my mind, i told him wat i thot about his feelings for me. I told him what i understood from that statement he made "I'm ready, but i just dont know when i want us to get married" He told me that i'm not correct in my thinking. He said he didn't mean it like that, and that he's happy with me.

He said that men and women are wired differently, and we (women) read too much into everything.

He said there's still time, and that who knows, something might happen between now and december.

I said "but december is just three months away"

He replied saying that "But it's not three days".

I felt like i was forcing him into something he's not prepared for. I felt like i was trying to make him do wat he didn't want to do, and i voiced that out to him. His reply to me was " Do you honestly think that you could make me do what i dont want to do?" He said we WOULD get married, and if he didn't want to marry me, i would never be able to talk him into it. He said he loved me sooo much, and missed me too much, and that he can't wait to be home again.

Before Joshua travelled, we talked about our union as husband and wife, and he asked if i would wait for him to come back. I said i can't say....that he hadn't proposed yet. He said he was serious and for real, and that he wanted me to be his wife. I told him he didn't even have a ring, and he said he wanted to get it from Spain (That's where he is now). I agreed with him, though i wasn't sure he'll get the ring. Well, lets watch and see....i'll update my blog on that particular info.

So, while still on the phone, He said he really wanted to marry and start having kids now, and i asked him why he hasn't started the moves., and if he's scared of committment. He claimed that's not the problem. I kinda believed him. I mean....wat wouldn't i do for love? I feel so free with the man. I love him so.

Don't think i'm being too desperate for us to get married, but u shouldn't blame me, i dont want the fate of other people who were left for other women to be my fate also. There's a story which particularly haunts me:

There was this girl who met a man , and they fell in love...she was 25 when they met. They courted for fifteen years (Yeah...wow!), they were seen everywhere together, went everywhere together, And on the week this man was supposed to pay her dowry, he married someone else instead. This lady was 40 then, so the guy went for young blood after using her for so many years. Note...he met her when she was young blood. So, the woman was heart-broken...devastated. God was merciful to her, and she got married years later at 43, but she never had childern..though she tried hard. The man on the other hand had 6 strong sons.....this is a true story believe me. Happened to my family friend.

You may say she's a fool for waiting 15 years for one man. But i dont blame her..it's wat love does to you. She loved her man as foolishly as i love my Joshua even now. So u see where my fear comes fron? it's not unfounded. And believe me, i will do everything to prevent that fate from becoming mine (except proposing to him). But that dosen't mean i won't conduct my experiment. I will still do it.

But most of all, i will tackle everything in prayers. Definately, it shall be well.

Is it me? Is it him? What is it?

2008-09-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe I wasn’t completely correct about Joshua, I think I love him more than he loves me., I think that something is wrong somewhere, and that we may end up not getting married.

Something happened today to convince me that I’ve been a fool for letting myself love Joshua as much as I have.

Today, Joshua and I were on the phone (Note that he’s still out of the country, and that I’m shedding hot tears as I type this note).
We were talking, and somehow, I asked him when we are getting married. (Heeeyyy! Don’t cuss at me, I didn’t bring it up…okay, maybe I did).
I asked him because I wanted to know where I stand with him, and I see nothing wrong with my asking him, afterall, we do things which H’s/W’s do, and we could easily pass as a couple. Besides, we’ve talked about settling down before, and he wanted me to be as involved as possible in the building of his new house. He made me pick out and purchase the curtains, choose the paint, some of the furniture, etc. What was I supposed to think? I felt I had to ask him again since after we talk about our future each time, he relaxes and does nothing about it. He hasn’t proposed yet too. Shouldn’t I have asked him? But I know that sometimes, a man needs a push to do the right thing. Well, I did ask anyway, and the following conversation ensued;

KAMSI: When are we getting married?

JOSHUA: Do you have a period in mind when you want us to get married?

KAMSI: As for me, I’ve planned out my life, but I’m asking you as the man in the relationship…when are we getting married?

JOSHUA: So, you are saying you are ready?

KAMSI: Yeah, I am.

JOSHUA: So even if I say let’s get married tomorrow nko?

KAMSI: Sure.

JOSHUA: And if I say in 5 years time?

KAMSI: I’m afraid, that doesn’t blend with my plan for my life. I’m 25, in five years, I’ll be 30. According to my plan, I should be settled by now.

JOSHUA: Actually, I don’t know, marriage is something that should be planned properly.

KAMSI: You don’t know? That means that you haven’t been thinking about it. If you have, you would have figured everything out…perhaps you have more important things on your mind. Okay, I’m sorry for asking you at all and for being too forward. I just wanted to know where I stand, and I’m glad I do now.

JOSHUA: Kam, do you understand what I said?

KAMSI: Sure, I do.

JOSHUA: Could you please tell me what you understood?

KAMSI: Well, I think you’re trying to say that you are not ready to get married now, and you don’t know when you’ll be.

JOSHUA: Honey, that’s not what I said. I said that I don’t know when we’ll get married. I meant that I’m ready, but I don’t know when we’ll get married.

KAMSI: Means the same thing to me…..well, at least, I’m glad I know where I stand now. Thanks for telling me your mind.

JOSHUA: It’s okay.

Now Lord, this is a man who is 36 years old. He’ll be 37 in November, yet, he’s so relaxed about marriage. My reason for weeping is that it’s obvious that he doesn’t love me. I mean, if he did love me, what will make him stall about our marriage? The guy is totally okay. He’s wealthy enough to have children and train them sufficiently. He has enough cash to send them to the best schools in town. He knows he’s not getting any younger…..he knows he should get married soon. Since he ‘claims’ to love me, why is he stalling?
Why hasn’t he popped the question?
Why is he saying that he doesn’t know when to get married?
Doesn’t he love me enough?
Is he scared of commitment?
What is the problem?
Or…don’t his people like me? I’ve met four of them…his parents are dead, I never met them. Are his siblings the problem?

You know what I think? I think I’m being a fool for waiting for him and putting all my eggs in one basket. Do you know that because of this guy, I have no male friends at all? I find it difficult to give out my number. If I talk to a guy, I feel so guilty…like I’m betraying him. And yet, now that I think of it..He doesn’t seem to love me that much on his part. When we don’t talk on phone, I get worried and panic so much, but I bet he doesn’t feel like that…ever. I know he hates it when I miss his calls. If he doesn’t want to marry me, why then does he always try to involve me in his personal activities? Why doesn’t he want to do the right thing?

Like Mona, I’ll conduct a little experiment. Henceforth, I’ll begin to act disinterested. When we talk on phone, I’ll begin to sound vague. He’s coming to Nigeria this month's end…I’ll not visit him as frequently as I used to. I will cease to involve myself in the house project (I’m still yet to choose the paint for the exterior of the building) because, now, I have a sinking feeling that he might be using me to finish up the house and give it a woman’s touch.
So, I’ll begin to have other guys in my life. I’ll have them call me even while I’m with him.

You know, I feel he’s also relaxed because he has no competition over me. I mean…each time the man calls me and asks where I am, I say I’m at home, that I really didn’t go anywhere…blah, blah, blah. So, henceforth, I’ll begin to tell him I went out and had fun….even if I didn’t. I have to create a kind of competition. In fact, I don’t even need to fake the competition. I’m a very beautiful girl. Believe me. He knows, people know.
Another thing I need to start working on is my heart. I need to get my heart back from the man. I need to get my mind off him and focus on other things. I need to throw myself into my NYSC program. It will help me a lot. It will be hard, but I’ve got to try. For example, I’ve been so dependent on the man for everything. He never lets me lack. All I need do is to say the word, and he’ll perform. That’s why I thought he loved me. I think I confused myself. Lord, I need your help. I hope I’m doing the right thing sha.

I feel so heart broken knowing that Joshua is ready to settle down, but doesn’t know when he will. I know that if I were a girl he truly, truly loves, he won’t hesitate to propose since he’s ready to take that big step. Infact Lord, I don’t know what to think anymore. Just take control. Let your will be done. If Joshua is my man, place that urgency in his heart and make him do the right thing. If he’s not………………

NYSC....Really, what's the point?

2008-09-11T02:32:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping to go for youth service this november, that is if there would actually be a november batch.

Really, i want to get this service year over and done with. But, i still believe that it's a huge waste of time.

I mean, what's the point of serving the country for year, and yet it dosent even get better...given the effort that the corpers put into it.

I haven't served yet, and i graduated in the year 2005. I went to one of the schools in the east, and was unluckily enrolled into the 'wrongest' departments full of fraudulent staff, lecturers and H.o.d's

Our H.O.D's were constantly changed, yet each got worse than the previous one. The messed up the system in the dept,

As a result, a lot of us couldn't graduate and go for service even though our results were complete. The department misplaced a lot of these results, and it was up to the students to try to find them again. This situation has hindered a lot of people from serving. A lot of my set still havent gone, a lot of the set before me still haven't gone, and few of the set before them. Those after me, some have been waiting, and it's been years now. Imagine! I heard a lot have even given up, and ventured into other things.

The department/faculty had no proper records and filing system.....

Can u imagine?

I had a total of 5 missing results. Results which i had seen wen they came out and were pasted, and i passed them. Yet, wen it was time to graduate, they were suddenly declared missing. It was horrible. I had to go searching for them to see if i could find them, but i found only 2 of 'em, and thus, couldn't 'serve' with the batch going for service at that time.

In a bid to beat the deadline and go for service with the next batch, i went on and re-took the exams, not minding the fact that my results were actually sitting pretty somewhere, unused, unfound. It was really distressing.

So i re-took the remaining three, and when the results were pasted, u wont believe it, but i had no results. A case of missing scripts.....i decided to be calm through it all. I re-took again. when that proved abortive, i had to give money (I couldn't give my body like a lot of people did. It just wasn't worth it). I gave a lot of money oh! Actually, over N100,000.

Finally, this year, a lot of my results were found..including the very previous ones that held me back from serving at first., So the best of them were chosen, my results computed, my name sent to abuja amongst other names for them to do whatever it is they do there with our names.

Is there going to be service this november? I hope.

It's not even like i want to practise what i majored in. I have other plans. Better plans. And i know that God is with me on that.

Oh how i wish i could just go to school, pick my statement of result and certificate and zap!. What's the point of the whole youth service wahala? Why can't they just scratch it? I wish i were the president....i would have scatched it...the very first thing i'll do.

Anyways.....with time, this too shall pass. That's wat Yolanda Adams said.

REALISING ONE OF MY GREATEST FEARS, VISUALLY.

2008-09-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, in a bid to overcome the fear of labor and child-birth, I watched three gruesome videos of women in labor and giving birth. Mind you, I have never done that in my life... I mean watching a video of childbirth. I have never witnessed anything like that. It was scary, yet awesome, miraculous, yet frightening. Guys, believe me, women go through a lot. Thumbs-up for the guys who actually assist their wives through every step of childbirth….there’s something sweet about it. I noticed that oyibo’s like to be with their wives during that very hectic time of their lives.

Are Nigerian men like that?

I wonder.
Anyways, I’m glad that my Joshua mentions staying with me each time we talk about that time of our lives. But lord, am I ready? After seeing those videos, I don’t know what to think anymore. I found the videos on www.babycenter.com. Each video lasted for 5 minutes and a few seconds.

If you haven’t given birth before, and you have the heart, go check it out.

If u are a guy, and u were never in the theater with ur wife as she labored to bring ur child into the world, go check it out…who knows, it might help you to appreciate her better.

If u are also a guy, and u are curious, go still, so u’ll know what to expect when it’s ur time. Also, so that when ur wife gets pregnant, u’ll never take her for granted.

I’ll break down the video for you.......

#1: NATURAL CHILDBIRTH….
This black lady had already had a son who’s like about 7 years old. She was preggie with another boy. With her first child, she was administered pain medication, and also given something to speed up labor and delivery. So this time, she opted for the natural style. In her own words : “ We were made to do it like that”.
A few days after her due date, she went into labor. Her husband was there to assist her, her mother-in-law was there; her son was also there because they had prepared him beforehand for what he might witness. They had talked to him and showed him pictures. So when labor started, they were all present. Her husband helped her, he massaged her, made her walk, helped her breathe. At times, she sat in a bathtub of hot water to help ease the pain of the contractions. Me, I really felt for her oh! After sometime, the mid-wife inserted a kind of instrument into her and broke her water. She said she thought it would hurt, but that it was actually a relief from the pressure she felt inside. Later on, she started feeling the urge to push. U need to see this lady. Sometimes, she’ll go down on all fours and kept squirming and breathing heavily. Gawd! She was in pain. I kept shielding my eyes from the horror before me, and wincing. Soon, she was ready to push. Her midwife gave her the go-ahead. That’s when another part of the hard work started. Her husband helped her through it as usual…I love that guy! As she pushed, the baby’s head began to crown. Did u know that once the head emerges, the rest of the body slips out just like that? I was like “wow!” Her son was born, cleaned and taken to her while the midwife delivered her placenta. In like an hour’s time, this same lady who just had some of the most painful moments of her life was up and about. Going round and eating. Na wah oh! But, her baby was really beautiful.
Imagine the next thing this lady said as she cradled her baby…” I’m ready to try this again, for a girl!” Hmmmnnnn.

#2: C-SECTION BIRTH…..
Now this one looked pretty easy, though I don’t know if it was actually as easy as it looked. I really don’t know the reason why the white lady had to deliver like that, but I know that C-section is only performed; When the baby and mum are in distress,
When you have pre-existing medical conditions which pose a concern
When labor has failed to progress
When you’ve had a previous or elective c-section
Well, this lady’s delivery was like that. She was given an epidural which numbed the feeling in her stomach and lower body. I think the thing was inserted in the small of her back. Then she was shaved to help prevent getting infected. Two doctors cut her open in a way that she’ll be able to attempt natural delivery next time if she wanted. In fact, they have three different ways of cutting the belly open for c-section. There’s the horizontal or bikini skin cut, there’s the vertical or classical, and the low transverse. The low transverse was used on this particular lady. So, she was cut open, the doctor guided the baby’s head out through the incision, her baby’s nose and mouth were suctioned to remove some stuff, and then the baby was pulled out. The attendants yelled “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” all this happened within 3 minutes…a huge contrast to the hours used to deliver naturally. Wonderful. Anyway, the lady giving birth said she felt nothing , no pain, but that she felt an occasional prodding and poking, and she definitely felt when the baby was pulled out ‘cos there was pressure. Her baby was cleaned and shown to her, but she couldn’t hold her just yet ‘cos the doctors were working to stitch her up. That took like 30-40 minutes. They used a kind of rope that dissolves in the belly b’cos they had to sew her uterus up first before her skin. OMG, when they cut her and were pulling her stomach open, I was like “WHAT??!!” I almost couldn’t stand it. But she had a healthy baby. The doctors rolled her over in the recovery room and took out the epidural; they said it’ll take some hours for her to begin to feel her legs again. She also had to stay in the hospital for some days so that she could be monitored for signs of infections, and also, it takes women who deliver that way like 6 weeks or more to heal properly.
The lady’s baby was sure beautiful, she had a daughter. In her own words with a huge grin plastered on her face ; “I didn’t even care about the pain anymore, I was just so happy to see her. She’s so perfect. It was totally worth it”.

Nowadays, people elect to have C-section. Well,,,,,

#3: WATER BIRTH……
I like this one it looked calm, soothing. The woman had three kids already, and she had tried one by water before, and the other two, naturally.
In her own words; “I want to deliver two by land and two by sea”.

By sea indeed!

The woman seemed to experience little pain, maybe it was like that because she had three kids already., maybe because she was also a midwife, a professional in child-birth issues. But whatever it was, I liked her video the best. This woman didn’t even scream or shout. If anything, she looked like she was enjoying the whole thing. Can you believe that? Her husband on the other hand is strange. He looked expressionless. Hello? Your wife is about to deliver your child, and you are looking like you were forced to get into the whole thing. It wasn’t funny at all. Anyway, this lady had them bring in a special tub filled with water of a certain temperature safe for her and her baby, she had soothing music played in the background because she wanted a calm environment. When the midwife examined her and told her that her baby was in the perfect position for delivery, The lady bent over and said to the child in her womb;

“Good girl!”

I liked that.

At a certain point, the mid-wife broke her water, and she was ready to enter the tub. When in the tub, she reached the transition phase of labor which I heard is the most intense part of labor, but this woman…oh this woman rode through it calmly. I admired her so much. Effortlessly, she pushed her baby into the water. The mid-wife held the baby’s head as she was pushed out. She looked blue because the chord was round her neck. (In my case, it was reported that the chord was tightly wound around my body, trying to snuff life out of me). Daddy cut the chord, and baby was cleaned up and brought to mummy. I wondered how the baby didn’t swallow water or drown, but the midwife explained that it was a kind of reflex babies had, they don’t breathe at that moment., and they look so calm.

That’s it oh! So which would I choose? I think I like the water birth best. I have a plan…I’m going to watch these videos everyday. They may help me overcome this fear of mine, and it’s pertinent that I do.

60 QUESTIONS......

2008-09-09T14:08:00.001-07:00

I stole this from SPEECH GIRL'S page 'cos i love doing things like this too. I asked her permission though oh! And i wonder if she's given her consent by now... (Chuckles).

'Ere we gooooooooo

1.What time did you get up this morning?

05:00AM

2. Diamonds or pearls?

"Or?" both jare!

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

MADAGASCAR, But that was ages ago at silverbird. I hardly go to cinema's, 'cos i prefer to watch at home.

4. What is your favorite TV show?

FRIENDS, JOEY

5. What did you have for breakfast?

Beans

6. What is your middle name?

Carissa

7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal?

ISI-EWU...infact, i love spicy foods

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

Yolanda Adams (The best of me).

11. What kind of car do you drive?

For now, i own a leg-gedis. Lord, i need a car, and i need it soon.

12. Favorite sandwich?

Peanut-butter.

13. What characteristics do you despise?

Dishonesty. I agree with speechgirl on this one.

14. Favorite item of clothing?

My washed-out blue jeans.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

Brazil

16. What color is your bathroom?

Light brown and milk.....it's one of my favorite places.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

DKNY.

18. Where would you want to retire?

Enugu state, 'cos east, west, home na the best!

19. Favorite time of day?

Sunset.

20. Where were you born?

FIRST CONSULTANTS MEDICAL CENTER, Lagos.

21. Favorite sport(s) to watch?

Football , Tennis.

22. Who do you least expect to respond to this?

Mummy.

23. Person you expect to respond first?

Funny....no one.

24. What laundry scent do you use?

Downy, Tide.

25. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither...Sprite, gatorade.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?

Morning oh! My vision gets clouded at night.

What size shoe do you wear?

8.

28. Do you have pets?

Four foolish dogs. Sometimes, i feel like selling them off to Calabar cooks.

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?

Not yet...soon. I hope.

30. What did you want to be when you were little?

A doctor....whatever happened to that dream of mine?

Favorite Candy Bar?

Not really a bar....starburst.

32. What is your best childhood memory?

Christmas time...going to the east,
Easter time....beach.

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?

None yet...I'll always be self-employed...in the process of setting up now.

34. What color/type underwear are you wearing?

You really want to know that? Gbegborun.

35.Nicknames:

Ife uwa'm , (My world)
Obi'm , (My heart)
Nkem ( Mine).... all by my Joshua.

36. Piercings?

Ears only. I wanna do my nose.

37. Eye color?

White, bark brown

38a) Ever been to Africa?

Is the sky blue?

38b) Ever been to South Australia?

Not yet.

39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling?

Huh?

40. Love someone so much it made you cry?

Yes.

41. Been in a car accident?

yes.

42. Croutons or bacon bits?

Bacon, i hate croutons

43.Favorite day of the week?

Weekends.

44. Favorite restaurant?

Home, i agree with speech girl again.

.45. Favorite flower?

Lilies

46. Favorite ice cream?

Any type joo.

47.How many times did you fail your driver's test?

Haven't taken any.

48. What color is your bedroom carpet?

No carpet....Hairy center-rug.....Gold.

49. How many times did you fail your driver's test?

Scroll up.

50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email?

Can't say, might reveal who i am.

51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card?

CMC Furnitures,
Tiffany amber's.

52. What do you do most often when you are bored?

Read, Sleep, Eat.

53. Bedtime?

11pm or 12am. Sometimes, 1 or 2am. Depends.

54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?

My children yet-to- be- born...... They're the ones i'm blogging for anyway.

55. Last person you went to dinner with?

My Joshua

56. What are you listening to right now?

The sounds of my ceiling fan, neighbours t.v, and my generator set.

57. What is your favorite color?

Peach,
Brown,
Black.

58. Lake, Ocean or river?

Ocean.

59. How many tattoos do you have?

Zero, Nada, Zilch

60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The egg dearie!

Wow! That was great. At a point i was like.....wont this end .. ever? But i'm glad i did it. It was fun.

ME AND MY BLOG

2008-09-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

Me and my blog, we are like 5 & 6

I cant believe i've fallen in love with it

Maybe it's because i feel sooooo free while on it

because my identity is a secret.

And i can say anything...anything at all on it,

And i can come back in 20 years time and still meet it there.

No one will ever know it's my blog,

I'll blog till i die

when i have children, by God's grace,

I'll give them access to my blog.....

Just another thing to remember me by when i'm gone

I wont give it to them when i'm alive mind you,,,,

I'll write it in my will, so they'll find it and read it all the time.

I thank God for making me discover this.

I just thought you should know.

I might blog 2-3 times a day........

It's not ur business,

It's my own blog oh!

Go and blog on your own page you hear?

MY FEARS

2008-09-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

One of my fears....which i pray to overcome soon. OMG! Look at that head. No wonder it's painful.

But after the ordeal, the end-result is totally worth it.

Lord, there are some fears I have.

I know u are aware of them, but I still want to outline them so that from time to time, I can come back and go through them to see which ones I’ve overcome and out-grown. I know that when I out-grow my fears, then I’ll know that I’ve matured tremendously. Sometimes, those thoughts enter my mind and scare the shit out of me, hence, making me miserable for a considerate amount of time.
Father, I need your help.
I want to be able to overcome these fears of mine which are,

THE FEAR OF DYING:
I hate to imagine myself dead. I fear it because I don’t know what awaits me on the other side of eternity. I don’t know what really happens there, I don’t know what happens when one breathes his/her last.
Do they hear the trumpet blast then?
Do their spirits wander aimlessly all over the place following the loved ones they left behind everywhere, longing to touch them..to hug them?
What do they see?
What actually happens to them?
I guess we’ll never know till we all die and that is bound to happen. OMG, it scares me so much. The thought of being buried 6 feet below the surface of the earth terrifies me.
Do they get lonely after they are buried?
Please Lord, help me accept it without fear anymore. What amazes me is that some people don’t care about it. Some have actually overcome their fears. I want to be like them Lord! Help me.

THE FEAR OF ANY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY DYING:
I love my family.

Sometimes, they annoy me and treat me bad, but I love them anyway.
Everyday Lord, I thank you for making me a part of this family….a family that knows and loves you. I’ve lived among them for 25 years now, and I’ve grown to love them..every single one of them..even my sister who upsets me each time she speaks to me…but that’s a story for another day. I bear it when they piss me off, when they diss me, when they over-shadow me. But what I can’t bear is losing any one of them but one day, it will happen…surely. That’s why I need to make my peace with it and accept the fact that death is real and inevitable. I lost an uncle last year, and since then, I started seeing death in a new light. The day he was buried, I felt so dejected and empty…I feared he was lonely whereever he was. Everyday till date, he crosses my mind so, u see why I fear death?
I can’t bear losing my mum especially because she’s the one I love the most. She’s the one I really talk to.
Can’t bear losing her even when she gets really old . But Lord, u are faithful, I know u’ll help me . Help me come to terms with death oh! Na wah!

THE FEAR OF CHILD-BIRTH/LABOR:
Now, this is the one I must, must, must overcome by fire by force.

I love babies to a fault…especially cute babies. I dream of having mine…really, I can’t wait. But this devilish devil..fool that he is, has recently planted the fear of child-birth in my heart.

What kind of rubbish is that?

I really want to have babies…at least, 5 of them, but now, all I can think about is the pain women go through while giving birth. My sister has two cute sons in the states. Very cute boys they are! Each time I look at them, I try to give faces to my unborn, unconcieved babies. I can’t wait to look into my baby’s eyes, and I want my first child to be a girl. My Joshua and i are building a house somewhere in lagos. It’s a very beautiful house. I can’t wait for us to start living in it. In our new house, we have two children's rooms upstairs.
I personally picked out the paint for the rooms….one is pink and cream, the other is blue and cream. And they are lovely. I plan to furnish them beautifully with all kinds of kiddie's stuff, cartoon characters and all.
See, I’ve planned out my life with ur help Lord, I envisage a wonderful, colorful future in my home, and children are definitely involved….that’s why it’s of utmost importance that I get over this particular fear. I know it’s a wonderful feeling to be a mum, and I can’t wait to experience it. My best friend will be a mum this month, and everyday, I pray for her. I pray she has the kind of delivery my mum had when she had me. I pray she delivers like the hebrew women. Now u understand why I put in that prayer request in my previous blog. I have to have babies. Help me lord.

THE FEAR OF LOSING MY JOSHUA:
Lord, u know I love this man to pieces. You led us to each other..when I think of the circumstances in which we met, I smile. I love him with my whole heart…I’ve never loved a man this much. Normally, when I love, I don’t love with all my heart so that when that r/ship ends, I still have a part of my heart intact, so I don’t break down completely. But this man…..oh this man, he captured my heart totally. I’m afraid that if I lose him, I’ll convert to catholic and become a nun. I don’t know what I’ll do without him. I can’t imagine life without him. But Lord, I thank you that for now, he loves me too. For now, I’m the only one in his life. I can proudly say that with great confidence. You know why I believe so much in this relationship…but that’s another story for another day. I don’t think I’m a fool for loving him like that. Lord, I know u understand sha.

So, those are my fears. Those are the greatest fears I have in life. My father, I’m hoping and praying that you’ll give me the grace, and help me to overcome them. Only you can do it for me Lord…that’s why I totally depend on you to see me through.

AMEN.

MY JOSHUA, MY WORLD!

2008-09-09T02:32:00.000-07:00

Joshua made my day yesterday.

He was the first to call me and wish me a happy birthday.

Not like the other calls, texts, cards, FB cards and FB messages didn't mean anything,

but una know now.....Joshua's own had a special place in my heart.

Now for those of u who don't know who Joshua is, step back for a little introduction....

Peeps, meet Joshua: Apart from my dad and brothers, he's the only other man that matters.

I love him to bits.

I thank you God for blessing me with such a man.

Everyday, i think of him, and i know how lucky i am.

He's my man,

My world,

My everything.

As a matter of fact, i dont think anyone else can love me like this man. He's all i ever wanted. Peeps, let me let u in on a secret...many of u may know this, but many dont. The secret is that God hears and answers prayers. Wether u pray it,

or write it,

or blog it,

HE HEARS.....HE ANSWERS!

I made a lot of prayer requests about my future husband . I asked God to help him find me soon. I begged God to cause me to be found by 25 yrs of age and He caused me to be found by Joshua last year <2007.> I told him to please make me married by 25 yrs. I'm not married now, but i will be soon. It's soooo certain. I've never been so sure about anything. I dont like to blow my own trumpet, but Joshua and i, we're like a match made in heaven.

Like every girl, i wanted a tall, dark, well-built, rich, caring, handsome man. I put it in prayers, and i got all that and more. I got a man who dots on me like i'm the only family he's got. Yeah....Josh can be annoying sometimes, but i can never stay angry at him for long. He has his faults, but they're nothing compared to his glowing, positive attributes.

I'm a lucky girl,

I know.

I'm happy.

Everyday, Lord, i thank you for blessing me with such a man. He hasn't proposed yet, but he will soon. I'm counting on you to make that happen. I know that this is your will for my life, Joshua is part of the plans you have for me in Jeremiah 29:11. I'm thankful Lord......

Never forget that.

So, he also called me last night to know how my buffday was, and if i was okay We talked at length for an hour before he went off to a bar to watch the tennis tournament ....My Joshua couldn't be with me yesterday b'cos he's not in the country right now. I slept a happy woman even though my birthday sucked.

Lest i forget..

A big thank you to all of u who wished me well and sent me greetings on FB.

Thanks to all of you who called.

Thanks to my parents for concieving me and birthing me well,

Thanks to my dad for catering for me till Joshua came along,

Thanks to my mum for not drinking and smoking while she carried me,

And,

Greatest thanks to the ONE, the great I AM, the God who made me.

ON THIS DAY, 25 YEARS AGO............

2008-09-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

HUURAY!

This is my first official blog, and i'm so happy. I'm happy because this feels so good. I didn't know it would. Well, it feels especially good beacuse my identity is hidden here. No one can ever tell who i am. I did this because i want the liberty to be able to write all i want without the fear of losing my friends or the fear of people being privy to my secrets. Well, reading them may make u privvy, but u'll never know whose secrets they are. Still people may not visit my blog, but i dont care because my real aim is to LET MY THOUGHTS OUT. So this is my blog...u're welcome, but first, there some thing's u should know:

ONE.....
It's my birthday today.

TWO.....
Kamsi is not my real name..neither is any other name i'll use on my blogs. If any name happens to rhyme with anyone u know, pay it no mind...mere co incidence. The names wont be real. Infact, the only real stuff on my blog would be the write-ups..the stories. Those would be my day-to-day experiences, and things that have happened in the past.

THREE.....
My blog would be like a diary. Most times, when i keep diaries, people get to them somehow, read my thoughts and secrets, then tend to see me differently. Now, I'm glad because though people may have access to it, they'll not know it's me...the real me. Therefore, i have nothing to lose because i can bare my mind and lift logs off my shoulders, i can say all i feel, i can be totally honest, and yet, my friends will still be my friends . I'll write anything, and all sorts of stuff in my blog, so be prepared.

FOUR.....
It will also be like a prayer journal. Me, i like to write down my prayers oh! I like to go back from time to time and check out all i asked God in the times past. If u begin to do that also, u'll be suprised to find out how foolish you sound at times, how selfish and lame. When i look back at my prayer journals in years to come, i know i'll be like "Did i really ask that? say that? pray that?".....
It's also good because it helps me to keep track of the prayers i pray which God answers. So that if i ever begin to doubt the existence of God or his ability to hear and answer prayers, i can always go back and see that He's always been faithful. So, please agree with my prayers, and say amen from time to time.

FIVE....
I dont know how to write english oh! Sometimes, i may not make sense...but u went to school, figure out what i'm saying yourself. Permit me to use slangs, abbreviations, and the likes....English is hard joo!

So, i blog away........

Dear Lord,
I was an easy baby.
I know because my mum told me....but u knew that already!
I was concieved in december 1982, and i was born on a thursday nine months later (Did Someone say duh! @ nine months? don't forget that some babies are born after 12 months.....mean babies). Anyway, that's not entirely why i say i was an easy baby. My mum told me why, and now i tell you........

The 4 pregnancies before me were difficult, especially the one immediately before mine..he was a big baby that's why. Well, my family travelled to the east for sometime, and while there, my mum went for a check-up session. It was her third trimester....the 9th month actually. When the doctor checked her, he found out that the umbilical chord was wound tightly around me, entangling me..and the told my mum thus. Telling her also that she may end up losing me.
Mum left the hospital in tears. She told my dad, and they commenced prayers immediately. Fasted even (We are a praying family...till date). They prayed that you Lord should make everything alright, and they believed u will.
When they got to Lagos, they decided to register at one new hospital like that , FIRST CONSULTANTS (Shebi that's the name?) and deliver me there. The day of their first appointment dawned bright and early, and they set off for the hospital hoping to check if the chord was still entangling me. On getting there, an Indian doctor and his wife attended to them. My mum had previously been complaining to my dad that she was feeling a tingling sensation in the lower part of her abdomen, and she couldn't explain wat it was...never having experienced it before. The doctor examined her and proclaimed that i was in perfect condition, and that my mum was in labor. Mum laughed it off saying that she was happy i was okay, but that she couldnt be in labor. Her due date was like a week away, and there was no pain at all...just the tingling. Doctor insisted that she was dilating already, and was dilated 4 fingers at that time. Mum said that she usually delivers at four fingers.....but still didn't believe the man 'cos there was no pain at all. Dad suggested that she comply with them, and she agreed, was placed on a gurney, and wheeled into the theater. Dad was asked to go and get my baby stuff. By the time he returned to the hospital with my first properties, i had made my grand entrance into the world. They were all amazed especially my mum because it was so unlike what she was used to.....and she knew wat she was talking about because she had dont it 4 times before so got preggie with me.

So what made it easy?.......
the prayers?
the fasting?
coincidence?
What?

I dont really know, but i know that u proved urself to be faithful and disappointed the devices of the crafty by untangling me from the chords of death miraculously at nine moths in the womb .The devil knew that i was destined for greatness, and he tried to snuff the life out of me before i was born...but Lord, u had'nt even started with me yet.

So today, i celebrate 25 years of my life. It's been devoid of bad events so far. The devil has tried so hard to 'act', but u reveal and fight the battle before i'm even aware of it.

I thank you for saving my life,
I thank you for making it easy for my mum,
I thank you for answering their prayers,
I thank you for the miracle of my birth.

And so i ask.....

Please lord....please, please, please, make it easy for me when i start getting pregnant (That would be soon oh!). I loathe pain..whatever kind of pain, and i know that the process of labor is usually a painful one, with the contractions, the dilating, the pushing, crowning and all. So, please lord, make it easy. You told me personally that whatever i ask in your name, u'll do for me. You said i haven't recieved becos i haven't asked.....So, Lord i'm asking...Help me thru all my pregnancies.

AMEN.